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5th position Gb

  • Last seen on Aug 25 1:15 PM 2007. Member since August 9, 2005.
  • I am a 15 year old girl from Virginia (United States)
  • When I'm not writing, I'm person (I think).
  • I have 7 comments, 6 archived poems

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  • on Father by g r e y i s m, on August 13, 2005

    I liked the ending

    I think the poem could be improved if some of the stanzas, such as the second one, were made to be more like the last one. In some places, saying things simply works; in others it doesn’t. The third and fourth stanzas seem to me to slow down the poem a bit, or change the feeling of it, or something (I’m not the best at describing things). Anyway, nice job on this.

  • on Ashes Are Forever by , on August 13, 2005
    I also think that it would be better if it were even shorter. Line 4 could really do without the word “and”. I really liked the idea of this though, and I think that with a little editing it will be something great.