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Bailiwick

  • Last seen on Nov 6 12:26 AM. Member since December 1, 2006.
  • I am a 19 year old woman from Michigan (United States)
  • I have 25 comments, 5 archived poems

My Poetry

  • His Book
    If I could take the aching passage of time
    and fill it with meaning,
    even if it isn't mine --
    289 words, 5 comments, September 30. In Love, Personal, Thoughts
  • Aftermath
    You and I were some / many-armed Hindu god, / our guts woven together like macrame...
    109 words, 9 comments, May 23. In Love, Personal, Free verse, Thoughts
  • Morgantown
    We spent a week in Morgantown remembering when / we were moons around a shared sphere of days. / We spent a week trying to find some share
    120 words, 6 comments, May 21. In Free verse, Personal, Thoughts

Guest Book

1 - 2 of 2
  • Sammt on June 24
    I don't really know what I'm studying, at the moment. I'm thinking about trying art...it was psychology...So...Just flip-flopping around.
  • Sammt : Hey... on June 13
    I just wondered where in Michigan you're from. I'm from the UP, so my curiosity got the best of me. I go to school in Kalamazoo, though. And have lived pretty much across the entire state, at one time or another.

Subject:

Comments

1 - 2 of 25   Show all
  • on Haiku Jujitsu by rhetorica, on November 6
    Lol.

    Kudos.

  • on Death by rhetorica, on November 6
    Er...

    I read this a couple of times, trying to find something eloquent to say about it, but...hmm. It didn't do it for me.

    Some of your juxtapositions of contradictory adjectives didn't make sense to me. To be honest it kind of seemed like you were putting them together just because they were contradictory. Don't hide behind contradictions just to sound "deep" -- dig a little harder and find something meaningful. Find a new way to describe "death" other than repeating the word itself.

    You seem to use a lot of unsupported abstractions, too. Like the stanza "Floating" to "death." You put together "light" "dark" and "scarlet" with the recurrent word, but it doesn't seem to mean anything in the context of the poem.

    Long story short...you haven't made me think about death in a new way. You don't even really go into why you've apparently died or what affect any of this has on you. I know this sounds harsh, but I don't mean it as an attack. I've read some of your other work and seen potential, but no one ever develops their potential without some meany saying "you can do better."

    <3
    Bailiwick

    . Rewarded 8