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CaliOkie

  • Last seen on May 16 11:34 AM 2008. Member since February 11, 2008.
  • I am a 52 year old person (United States)
  • I have 4 comments, 1 archived poem

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  • skipeople : Welcome to SP!!!! on February 12, 2008
    'sup?

    Glad to chat, comment, help, etc...

    Anywho, see you around!
    Ashley

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Comments

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  • on untitled by , on February 28, 2008
    A great subject for a poem and you execute it very well.

    "to the sound of him
    slinking off on his belly
    under the fence
    under her skirt
    between her knees and thighs"

    Is stunning. Just right, not too much.

    When you get into an emotionally charged subject it is so easy to let feelings get in the way of good writing -- this is what revision and editing are for. You are not only a good writer, you are obviously a good rewriter.

    I feel this one struck just the right tone and just the right degree of acid. Very well done.

    CaliOkie

  • on I’ll drink it away, sleep it away. by MaMa-2-be-Cindy, on February 28, 2008
    This is quite good. I enjoy gritty, angst ridden works, though I'm not much good with them. I love your imagery and I particularly like the line "Can't argue the growl of their engines, monsters of metal revving threats of barrelling over me, "back away.""

    Well, my wish is that you keep writing poems like this -- and I'll keep reading them.

    CaliOkie