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K-9

  • Last seen 10 hours ago. Member since September 23, 2005.
  • I have 8 comments

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  • on Cancel you out. by MaMa-2-be-Cindy, on May 19, 2008
    This is an interesting take on the picture you use. While I can understand how you got there from here, the poem needs some polish to remove the flaws. Your first line is nearly twice as long as every other line in the poem. That just looks wrong somehow. It also seems disconnected from the rest of the piece, but that may be just placement. If that were at the end, it might work better. Overall, I'm not sure who/what this is about. You use words and phrases that are associated with twins or siblings ("split", "black sheep", "joined at birth" & the way you used "evil"), but you did say "not joined" so I'm left to wonder. One of the things that makes a poem timeless is that it tells a story rather than making the reader scratching their head. Maybe it's just me...or maybe fleas...
    ~woof

    . Rewarded 8

  • on Girls Inside by ArouraLeona, on October 20, 2005

    Yes

    The symbolism is there and can be gleaned. I like the way you told it how it is and then moved to how you would like it, so to speak. You used a powerful word in “labia”. I wish you would have developed it more. As it stood, it almost came across as a word thrown in for shock value as it wasn’t supported. I’m not big on cussing in poetry, but there would be a lot of bang for your buck at the end by maybe changing “pure” to “f—ing”. You have that rawness going for you in the rest of it. Don’t wimp out at the end. Just an opinion…

    . Rewarded 4