- Last seen 2 days ago. Member since July 5.
- I have 9 comments, 1 archived poem
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- The Unstrict Sonnet at allpoetry
She set about to build a work of art from clay. But when she touched that medium - Conundrum at allpoetry
I bow to bones that spend their lives - The Courtier at allpoetry
Frangipani flowers lined his lacy fragrant bower where legend blended rhapsody with motive and desire.
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on Melancholy of an Artist by himanshumodi, on July 7Hi: Whoa! I thought this forum was to critique poems. And that is what I did. I obviously offended you and I had no intention of doing that. I'll be sure to stay out of your way in the future.
Sorry,
L
Haiku?
I don't follow this format very much, so can't be much of a "judge." The brevity only leaves a little room for message, though I suppose the more message the better the Haiku? This, of course runs the whole story in only a few words. The first line, a simple statement, is directed by the second and is also where the meaning of the first takes form. It doesn't say, "apparently you've been abusing somebody else's heart, or even that somebody has been abusing yours," but then you know something is coming. With the last line the second is clarified and the blame is justified. The only issue I find is the generalization of the first two lines, sort of an omnicient observation--then the switch to personal admonition. It's kind of like two positions, with the speaker standing outside observing then jumping inside the skin of the character. I actually don't know how I feel about that.This is probably a little overkill, which is what I do......
L