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Mephitic ID Synergy

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  • vomit at allpoetry
    the water is in suspended animation
    the top still spinning
  • Resolution at allpoetry
    teetotaler
    every morning at ten
  • errata at allpoetry
    before you, around you, all about you
    there is a wall

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  • on A Dance With Passion by , on August 29, 2005
    I like the second stanza a lot more than the fourth. Line 7 just flows a lot better than 13. 13 seems bulky, with too many syllables. I don’t like your new title very much. I think it’s too obvious and literal.

    . Rewarded 4

  • on Don't Cheapen It by , on August 29, 2005
    Yes, considering that no other two lines ended in the same word or that there were only two other cases of lines rhyming (“chat” and “that”, “commodity” and “talk is cheap&#8221. I’d do a line break before line 13 to add emphasis and to clarify the last three lines as a separate thought and a conclusion. I guess your problem is that you could use “it” in line 15, but it isn’t a stress syllable, whereas “that” is, so it changes the meter of the line. I don’t have a suggestion at the moment but I’m sure you’ll come up with something.

    . Rewarded 4