- Last seen on Aug 5 7:53 PM. Member since August 5, 2005.
- I am a woman from California (United States)
- When I'm not writing, I'm minion in Operations for Guitar Center.
- I have 21 comments, 2 archived poems
My other items
- In response to I Sing the Body Electric at allpoetry
What say you now of the soul?
That elusive being you chased from - Ode to Miller at allpoetry
Chaos suspends her.
She stands still like the hummingbird, - Blank Page at allpoetry
I read a line of poetry tonight
that was so good I thought about stealing it
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Comments
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on The Best Doctor by , on August 30, 2005There are some amazing images here. I haven’t seen the drawing- but you’ve painted a beautifully gruesome picture.
I’m a little put off by a couple of things. The structure prevents any kind of natural rhythm. It almost works because of the subject of the piece- but it’s not quite there. It feels very much like a drawing. My experience w/ poetry is that there is usually some type of conclusion drawn, by the narrator or the reader. With this, there is no build-up, no climax, no conclusion to be drawn.
However- knowing that it is based on a drawing alleviates the frustration of that. So- I think if you want to add punch to it, there needs to be some-type of action w/in the piece… leading up to the struggle because I’m not sure why/where/how/when the struggle began to begin with.
I also had a hard time with the sentence structure. It could be because of the way the lines are put together- it could be because “Her bony arm.” is not a sentence. If you want the lines to be aborted like that, maybe no punctuation would be the way to go instead.
Again, though, I do like the images.
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