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Nocturne

Poetry is not autobiography, but art; not intention, but invention; not confession, but creation.

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  • on The Changing Tide by Mark McNulty, on May 21
    A villanelle - harlot sister of the pantoum and one of the more challenging forms to tackle. Kudos for giving it a go and so well too. For me, the most difficult bit is often not only getting the repetition to work, but also the rhyme to remain unforced and metrically regular (same number of syllables per line, identical stress emphasis).

    This poem varies on this count, but having read it aloud several times, the lack doesn't cripple it at all.

    I think the choice for the first line was a good one. "My soul craves warmth that's long been denied" is a lovely opening - abstract enough to pull the reader in "What is this warmth?" and "How has it been denied?" and universal enough to have the reader nodding along.

    I've been shot down for this suggestion before - mainly with the argument that poetry shouldn't be like a newspaper or a factoid (Not what I suggest at all!) - but I can't help but wonder if this poem would be even stronger with a more concrete focus on specific images.

    I felt that while the emotions were very powerful, I almost wish I could "see" what you're talking about better. Certainly you the structure of the poem to the advantage of the lines and the form limits what's possible. However, what I feel I lack is context. For example, "whispering a truth no man can ignore." - at this point, I'm at a loss. I am thrown out a tidbit - some truth - but there is no follow-up. It's much like an ambiguous statement hanging, glowing in midair.

    Certainly one shouldn't want the poem to "tell" the reader everything. That would be boring. But, sometimes, as a reader, I don't really wish to recreate my own world - I want to experience something new. Maybe the poem could be a little more open in letting the reader in on what's going on. Usually a concrete context helps a reader relate to the story/situation of a poem, and imagine him/herself in said situation.

    I'm going to leave off now, but I'm glad I had a chance to read this piece; it was a pleasure. I hope you decide what you will be doing with this piece and whether it remains a villanelle or evolves into something more and different.

    Good luck with this poem,
    Nocturne

    . Rewarded 8

  • on No death by ladydwarf, on May 19
    I'm guessing this is a personal piece and not up for a critique. Known someone like this? Perhaps. The betrayals I've seen have been the quiet ones, those that consist of me simply disappearing from someone's life, as if I never existed. People I've known changing themselves into strangers, lying with just enough truth to really sink the barb deep.

    Cheers for the read,
    Nocturne

    . Rewarded 8