I love poetry...writing it is a great form of release, and reading a choice bit of verse is marvelous.
However.
Too often, someone has shat out a turd of a poem and stepped back, all proud of what they have created...and the "wow, whatta great work, it's beautiful!" comments roll in. Even worse, anyone suggesting that their turd may need some polishing is in for a tirade. Puh-leeze.
So here's my pledge...if I tell anyone here that I like your poem, I mean it. If I think your poem's a turd, I just won't say anything at all, and you won't even be reading this little spouting-off of mine. Since this is supposed to be a "critical poetry" site, I feel a bit more free to comment than I would on, say Allpoetry, but any suggestions I offer are just that, suggestions, and you can feel free to ignore them forever -- it's not my work, it's yours.
As for anything I've written, please rip it to shreds. I really want to hear what someone else thinks doesn't work, and what does work. I may not agree with you, and I may not take your advice, but I value the input. Basically, I have no ego when it comes to what I write -- I know I'm not the nation's poet laureate. I just want my poetry to get better, and I want people to like it...and if they don't, I'd at least like to make people think.
However.
Too often, someone has shat out a turd of a poem and stepped back, all proud of what they have created...and the "wow, whatta great work, it's beautiful!" comments roll in. Even worse, anyone suggesting that their turd may need some polishing is in for a tirade. Puh-leeze.
So here's my pledge...if I tell anyone here that I like your poem, I mean it. If I think your poem's a turd, I just won't say anything at all, and you won't even be reading this little spouting-off of mine. Since this is supposed to be a "critical poetry" site, I feel a bit more free to comment than I would on, say Allpoetry, but any suggestions I offer are just that, suggestions, and you can feel free to ignore them forever -- it's not my work, it's yours.
As for anything I've written, please rip it to shreds. I really want to hear what someone else thinks doesn't work, and what does work. I may not agree with you, and I may not take your advice, but I value the input. Basically, I have no ego when it comes to what I write -- I know I'm not the nation's poet laureate. I just want my poetry to get better, and I want people to like it...and if they don't, I'd at least like to make people think.
- Last seen on Oct 30 9:32 AM. Member since August 6, 2005.
- I am a man from Michigan (United States)
- When I'm not writing, I'm a bankrupt Libertarian...the Atheist son of a Jewish man. Merry Christmas!.
- I have 33 comments, 7 archived poems
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- Not Yet Christmas at allpoetry
It is three a.m. again. A wide-eyed calico - Unplugged at allpoetry
discordant, rhythmic
echoing in the heart - Border Lands at allpoetry
A borderland is nowhere, personified.
It's neither there nor here.
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on The Magic Quarter by celestialpie, on March 20, 2007
Nostalgic, Sad, and Good.
Very nice poem, cpie. Very contemporary, very grounded in modern life, yet by and large timeless.
Favorite bits? "Pater Americanus." A new way to describe something totally familiar. Perfect! "The type of solemnity / that arises with homespun rituals." Absolutely! The little things that we do within our own household are often the things that stick throughout your life. My kids won't remember each and every birthday, but they WILL remember the nightly story/hug/movie ritual.
And I love it when a line can be read more than one way and have dual meaning: "And it was magic. / It was / Our Oracle," I can read that as "And it was magic....it was!" I can also read that as "And it was magic. It was...our Oracle." That's something I try to do...make a line both stand alone, and work with the line either before or after.
And the ending is just totally sad, depressing and 100% real. No more magic quarter...dang it, these socks need to be clean.
Good poem, man, good poem.
. Rewarded 4
Your opening line, "The air was strangled by the scent of chlorine" hooked me, and there are more gems in here. "caramel woman" is a perfect description of those taut, tan lifeguard types, and one I'd never thought of before. "poured myself into the sinkhole" is great, as well.
Granted, I have to remember back almost twenty years to my school days, but you seem to me to have captured the essence of it. Captured it, skewered it and put it on display, still fluttering. Nice!