- Member since January 1, 2009.
- I am a 18 year old man from California (United States)
- When I'm not writing, I'm a student..
- I have 5 comments, 2 archived poems
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Brian Balzer : Hello SamNoble on January 1, 2009Welcome to sharepoetry. As AC said this is a small, yet rapidly growing community of talented poets. Most of the folks here are fairly friendly most of the time. If you have any questions feel free to holler. I'm happy to help anytime I can. Enjoy your stay. I have compiled a list of helpful hints I will send to you that would help explain a few things. They explain the point system and how to win a free membership and things like that. Let me know if you if you find them helpful and if you think of anything that could be added. Just a note, this is not an automated message. It is a personal welcome from a fellow poet. Welcome.
Read ya 'round,
BKB -
ACpoetry : Hey there on January 1, 2009And welcome to SP. Yes yes, a small rapidly growing community, etc. Yes, we're very nice. I guarantee you'll get hooked on Sharepoetry, the people are so supportive and I've made many good friends thus far.
I can't wait to read some of your works.
Regards,
- A.C.
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on Fragments (Revised) by celestialpie, on January 2, 2009Gosh. Well this poem opened my eyes to so many different things. I love the almost reverse circularity of it, going from the inflation of tiny objects to the degradation of a human soul to so many raw materials. Fascinating. The joy of the simple things, and the comparatively enormous joy of the exciting things. Hidden importance under our eyes. This poem is a smorgasbord, if you will, of ideas.
Beautiful language, Wonderful old-style images, and a unique voice. There is one single critique that I feel I can offer, and that is a simple matter of organization. It may be entirely your intent, but I found my mind racing throughout the poem, trying to work out how each stanza related to the last? The poem as a whole is stunning, but I think the constituent parts could connect better if you made clearer transitions between them?
Again, though, you clearly know what you are doing.
Hate verdicts.
Okay this poem is properly dripping with familiarity. I think in many ways you capture in words the blaring monotony that life sometimes offers us, and you do so elegantly and without pretention.If you are looking for criticism, I would suggest that the poem scrapes the surface of the subject. I think you could potentially provide slightly more clarity regarding the person to whom the speaker writes. I think you could describe more thoroughly the internal reaction to the rut in which you find yourself; make it VISCERAL. This is clearly very painful or you wouldn't have bothered to write about it. I would try to make the reader feel that.