Sufjan at Share Poetry

My Poetry

Coordinates Set

with bear hands you move rubble / upon rubble hoping to see / a limb / that you can / grasp / your nails crack, fragme

120 words, 2 comments, May 30. Reward
Mutterings of a Nearsighted

“Acts of habit make you forget.” / This I tell myself / after being startled / by my own hand / touching the skin between my eyes. / / That act of adjusting / glasses now needless / when what I deal with / is right before me. Words

109 words, 3 comments, May 9. Reward
Threats and Deeds

I love America / Her secret’s safe with me / I kn

120 words, 2 comments, March 29. In Humor, World Politics, US Imperialism. Reward

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Sufjan : thanks on March 8

Thanks. I am still a bit lost. Don't quite know how to navigate this place yet. Or if I joined the right way (wondering why I am called a gold member when I didn't sign up or pay for that?).
skipeople : Welcome to SP! on March 8

Glad to chat, help, or be ignored. Which ever my flip your pancakes!

^.^
Ashley

1 - 2 of 13 Show all

on threads by deep inside, on August 6

at a loss
I think this piece is very confused. The proliferation of words ending with "tion" doesn't help in clarifying what the writer wants to say. The metaphors don't match up. There is hardly any focus to hold the reader's attention. What is it really that you are trying to say here? Perhaps I am just a very bad reader. I hope you don't mind my directness.
. Rewarded 6
on Soar by oxymoron270, on July 10

nice thoughts
Hi there. Nice thoughts throughout this piece. Heartwarming. However I find the rhymes are the obvious standout, sacrificing a more unique way of expressing the emotions you wish to share. May I suggest using rhymes as a tool to bring some form to the piece but attempting to seek images that will move the piece into more poetic territory. Sorry, I think I rambled there.
. Rewarded 8