I'm 19 and have lived most of my life in Cornwall (a very emotionally sheltered part of England). Now however i am living and studying in Leicesster at De Montfort University studying Drama and English (meaning I have to read a fair bit of poetry so it's lucky i like it).
I tend to write short-ish poems filled with my various mundane thoughts though i try to filtter out the angst as much as possible.
I tend to write short-ish poems filled with my various mundane thoughts though i try to filtter out the angst as much as possible.
- Member since November 25, 2008.
- My mood is , and quote is "Variable!".
- I am a 19 year old man (Great Britain)
- When I'm not writing, I'm A Student.
- I have 20 comments, 7 archived poems
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Brian Balzer : Welcome to sharepoetry on November 25, 2008I see Lake has done a fine job of greeting you. She is one of the talented poets here. She is very surprising for her age. I have been compiling a Helpful hints letter. I will send it to you. I hope you find it helpful.
BKB -
Lake Absence : Welcome to Sharepoetry! on November 25, 2008Welcome to Sharepoetry. This is a small, yet growing community of talented poets of all ages. I happen to be in one of the younger age groups. The majority people are sometimes friendly most of the time. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I hope you enjoy your stay, and look forward to reading your poetry. =]
Lake.
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on True Beauty by Zachary Clark, on November 6, 2009I originally thought the picture at the top read 'beauty is more than fish'... i was wrong!
For all the ladies out there, I think they'd be suprised at how little looks can matter. Very physically attractive people can be complete arses and as a result become anything but desirable. Of course, those 'attractive people' will always manage to 'pull' at the end of the night but whether they find anything more deep and meaningful is another matter. Speaking from personal experience anyway.
On the poem itself, I think it might be better if you left the rhyming out completly and just had it as free verse. I only say this because there's no obvious set metre and rhyme is a bit hit and miss (e.g. body/photography). Aside from that i very much like the message and style you're putting across.
I think the use of 'intertwined' in the title really says a lot about the poem. The poem speaks of 'stroke(ing)' fears - this seems to rather say that these fears will be shared rather then 'healed'. Indeed talk of 'self pains' being shared is interesting, pains for oneself will become irrevecably the pains of both parties as they are one in the same or 'intertwined'.
It's also interesting how you move from the concrete 'eyes', 'lips' etc to more abstract ideas and thoughts. This sort of alludes to the 'passion' in the title as the direction of the piece becomes less stable and more idealistic.
Perhaps the most interesting aspect of the poem is the ambiguity of the reading through the lack of punctuation. Usually i prefer to see a little bit of punctuation but leaving it out here makes you re-read and ask questions of whats being said. Taken out of context the line 'cure self pains' seems to say something completly different from if it is read within it's place in the poem.
Whether you intended it or not (I suspect you did) the poem is more complex than you might think upon first reading. It's a good use of free verse which is more than a simple decleration of love, more a sharing of love and life. Enjoyable!