Each night falls harder
Than the last,
Harsh with grief,
Stars shine in despair with me.
Crying out to the world,
Tried to speak
And stuttered,
Silenced before I could speak,
Hollow, I lie.
Dead to the world.
Author notes
I took two short poems and merged them here. I wrote this based on feelings I have for someone I care for leaving.
Any comment at all, even the shortest!
Comments
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were u sad while writing thi poem?
ah! it's nice but ur words make me sad. like wise write a poem when u r happy so the that readers feel happy from ur spontaneous flow from ur heart.ur words r rocking . and it's a nice piece. it's really good . and have given the simple vocabulary.
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Hey...yeah, I was kinda low when I wrote this, so I wrote it to get some feelings out. Thanks for the idea of writing a poem when im happy, although i hope the happiness doesn't go
Nish
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Good
Its good... the way it has been written is great... short and sweet yet conveying everything you feel .... traveller -
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thanks for the comment!
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you are welcome
You are most welcome
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Author's notes helped. It's an interesting idea to merge two poems together, it worked well here. I just have one problem with the repitition of the word "speak" in the second poem. I feel that it disrupts it, and there are so many other things you could do here. Of course, if you do not change it...all as well! Good job, here.
Nienna
PS I would have to say that I like the first poem better. "Stars shine in despair with me" is a totally fresh, strange idea, it's really great (as is the idea of a night falling). The second is good, but the first poem is great.
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Maybe instead of saying "Silenced before I could speak," I could write "Silenced before I could." - the full stop also seems better there.
Thanks for pointing out an error, and as usual for yet ANOTHER good comment!
Nish
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