Spindling through
The realms of chaos
Life giving breath
Strung tight and resolute
Tumbling hazardously
Through this abyss
Of indecision
While fading glimpses
Of placidity mock
The familiar turbulence
If there was no beginning
To this pinnacle of uncertainty,
Is there an end?
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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very profound
the word were big but not too big, it was an easy read and gave me something to think about
good job -
I like it.
PS, this poem, for me, is a perfect rush of descending and being whirled around, as though in the middle of a tornado. Very nice imaging.
I like the way the poem doesn't actually "take sides" or trouble itself between a right and wrong decision - to my mind, the toughest decisions are between a right and another right. Your poem keeps its vision wide and open to a reader's needs.
Good poem, good read for me.
Just a thought: should the second-last word be "an"?
Lad
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thanks, i completly missed that error. it's the right and right decisions that are most difficult for me as well. then add that to regrets once the decision is made..oy. thanks for the review.
-Papaya
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GOOD JOB! Wow, I didn't know you could focus your thoughts so well! It is short and tight and well thought-out and so deeply introspective and poetic. I am totally impressed.
I think, though, that in line 9 "placidity" is "placidness" but I may have to look that up. Oh, never mind it can be both. Then I have to say that it reminds me a tad too much of physics with Mr. J. and 'plasticity' and I'd PREFER placidness, but that is a suggestion/opinion that is really of little importance. I love that this placidity/placidness is mocking turbulence, though, that image is turned upside-down and around and it's very original.
The last three lines are a perfect way to calm this inferno of thought and they held such meaning I had to stop and read them over again. Maybe even three times, i'm uncertain. It's a great question. If uncertainty did not begin but nearly IS is there any stopping it?
MOLTO BENE, AMICA.
N3
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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pleas forgive me, amiga for replying so late in the time of whatever it is. i'm as surprised as you are that i can focus my thoughts into something tangible and not babbling. no idea with the placidity vs placidness, maybe we should ask mr.j, eh? děkuji for the review, n
-Papaya
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Hi,
Decisions decisions. Its like driving toward a fork in the road and you must make a one.
Right or left, and forever be content with your decision because it’s too late to regret it now.
It might be a good idea to break up the poem into two or three stanzas to give the poem some natural breaks.
This is a great topic for a poem. I enjoyed reading it.
Bill
language: 2, rhythm: 2, subject: 2, tone: 2, form: 2.
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thanks for the review and advice about the stanzas. despite however long ago i made some decisons, i still wonder what would have happened if i went the other way. I'm glad to be content with most of my decisions though. thanks again.
-Papaya
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I think the end only comes once a decision has been made. Then reaching it, remains uncertain. I like what thsi poem is talking about. I also like the voice. Its a short poem, but it makes the reader think. It reminds me of a time in my life when i had to decide on what course to take after highschool and college.
Life i suppose is just that, this big pool of uncertainty that you can only really dive in, to end it.
-iphios -
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agree
the only trouble is actually making that decision. I tend not to be very fond of those huge decisions which both sides look appealing, and you just have to CHOOSE. thanks for the comment.
-Papaya
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