A drunken stream steering through hillside
Reflects up high a dreaded star,
Burning its light brazenly bright
So as to compete with the sun.
Sparking, spilling its brilliance,
A heavenly bruise, the envy of Venus.
Celestial fire guides mortal eyes.
It is over, now. It is done.
That stolen color, that stolen red,
That stream of radiance
Swallowing completely all who look
Upward, catch its strangeness.
Has begun the slow, steady decline
Of some spectacular structure,
Once stood sure, now given to time.
In ruins, our Saviour is come.
His iron fist fitted with a velvet glove.
Author notes
kinda-sorta inspired by the Nativity Story,
but with a dark undercurrent. =)
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Fascinating vision in many ways...
...nice nihilist. I sense history here, the end of the ancient world ("a heavenly bruise, the envy of Venus" - great line), God's final gift of a reprieve of mankind, solid structures of civilization beginning to crumble, the coming of Christ as the birth of the end.
"His iron fist fitted with a velvet glove" - another fine line, powerful - that images for me the very traditional Christian idea of Christ the Judge finally pounding out a negative judgment on the mess of the world.
The poem is dark as hell, but intriguing - a surreal take on the anger of God. My personal instincts about "the end" aren't as bleak as the poem's, and I have a different image of the meaning of Christ's coming, but I sure like the striking voice of this poem. Good write! (And belated welcome to SharePo.)
Lad
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This is quite abstract... I see the connection with the nativity story, but why so dark? I don't understand... It makes the birth of Christ sound like the second coming... hmm... perhaps that's it. I'd like to know a little more about what inspired this work.
It's quite descriptive, and it flows well on paper. There's something about it that I just like... I'm not sure how to critique it very much, but I'll try... Why is the star "dreaded," first of all? I've never heard it quite interpreted that way... Are you referring to the sign of the star as a signal of the beginning of the end? That seems to be the suggestion in lines 13-15. I would interpret that as perhaps the beginning of the fall of man's civilization or something within it. I'm probably totally off base here, but I'm just talking through it. The ruins probably refer to the manger in which Christ was born... a humble location for such a glorious birth.
I think I'll stop there. I've gone on about it for a little while. If I'm completely unjustified in anything I said, forgive me and let me know. You have such a wonderfully eloquent poem here, and I'm not even sure exactly what it's trying to express. This is, however, some very good writing. Excellent work!
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If you think about it, the birth of the Christ is the beginning of the end. What more can there be but an end (if you believe the Bible).
It's sort of a domino effect.
Hope that makes sense.
Thanks for the review.
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