The moonshines through the mist of the night,
the stars hide behind the light,
shadows pass beneath the sky,
ripples spread far and wide,
revealing the colours of a butterfly.
Whispers fill the silent air,
men move quickly as they dare;
to break the silence as they do,
when battle comes and all is through.
The men prepare to take a chance,
all waiting for the order to make their advance.
Footsteps crunch through the rough terrain;
all the men trying to refrain;
nevertheless gunshots break out in the midst of night,
for tonight is the night when their will is to fight.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Nice write!
Yeah, u said what ya wanted to quite clearly.
But if ya ask me to be frank - Id say, it needs a lil more expression. The feelings should be more stronger...
Overall, a neat work..
Hopin for more from writes from u, n better ones too - I know u have the capability!
Best wishes gal!
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I appreciated the way you wrote this so true, im not sure if im supposed to feel a sadness from it but I did. It made me think of my great grandfather who fought for his country :-) I cant find much wrong with it, it flowed along nicely and every word was appropriate :-)
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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