If a mirror faced a mirror,
What would the mirror see?
A mirror and a mirror,
Mirrors to infinity!
Thus, if we could face ourselves,
This is what we'd see:
We'd see ourselves a million times.
We'd see as others see.
So, before you taunt someone
For how they seem to be,
Remember, they can't see themselves,
Themselves as others see.
But we can never see ourselves,
Ourselves as others see,
For if we could, we'd drive ourselves
Straight to insanity!
Author notes
This was written in response to a time when I felt I was being judged. I don't understand why people judge others so quickly. My point is illustrated in this poem.
Is there anything I could improve upon here?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Really Good!
I am astonished.This poem is excelent.the content, the subject, the tone, the rhyme.Everything just at the right place.
For a young one like you it is a showing of great talent and a promise for the future.Keep writing like this!
Regards from Ludmila.
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 4, tone: 5, form: 4.
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Hey Piano Guy. This piece reminded me of something by William Blake or Emily Dickens. No small feat-- the ability to capture a fundamental truth in a pure and simple stanza that rhymes. Somehow, you pulled it off.
Rhyme and simplicity give poems like this sticking-power. I bet years from now, I'll be walking along and I will find myself muttering, "What would the mirror see? A mirror and a mirror, to infinity. . ."
Cheers,
Pie
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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I think this is definately my favorite poem of yours so far. It says so much and flows as close to perfect as I think one can get. "If we could face ourselves...we'd see ourselves a million times." I never saw it in that perspective. In a sense we would not only see what others see in us but these lines bring to my mind that we would also see that eternal part of ourselves, that infinty that I personally consider the soul. This is an awesome write. Thanks for this one!
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Snaps!
This was a great poem. I quite enjoyed reading it and the topic was really neat, something I normally wouldn't think about. Again, snaps.
S
language: 3, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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hey piano guy
this reminds me of the type of poem they have you read when your in grade school. but i don't mean that in a degrogatory way. the meter and rythem are right on yet you tell a story and wind up with a moral. that isnt' easy to pull off but you did.
dave -
This was great!
This has a zen touch to it. Thinking about the self until borderline insanity. It is very interesting how senses are more than just inputs. That we tend to project our beliefs, fears and prejudices onto someone else. The metaphor with the mirrors is used very well in this poem.
Bill
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 5.
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Clever, smart and true.
I like this, Piano Guy. I enjoy its nursery-rhyme style - and that's a compliment to its sing-song wisdom, like a little morality tale. It has class - it's brief, pointed, perceptive and, best of all, it's surely based on experience, not merely imagination.
But it has imagination, too. I mean, its images of mirrors-to-infinity, facing ourselves, seeing, and insanity are deftly chosen and neatly written. And that last line has a sly humor wrapped around a truth:
Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living; but taken to the extreme of "see(ing) ourselves a million times" is a recipe for personal disaster. I think the humor hidden in your last line conveys that warning, at least to my reading of it.
I have to disagree with humanshimodi's comments below; I think the poem is shiningly right just as it is. It moves along, thought after imaged thought, with playful logic.
I noticed your screen name online today, and thought I'd look in, as I'm a pianist and sometime composer myself. So, welcome to SP. If you ever have the time and desire, you might want to take a look at my "Sonnet For a Sugar Maple" - some musical images there you might enjoy.
Ciao.
Lad
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Ahh... This is quaint. I really like the point that you make that we really can not see a thousand faults in ourselves like we do in others because we can;t see ourselves like we see others.
But really, I see plenty of scope for improvement. Line 7 conveys seeing ourselves a million times. I think the point that should be conveyed to follow that up is that we did see a new fault each of the million times that we saw ourselves.
3rd stanza says that before passing a judgement on someone we should remember that they can't see what we see. That really is no reason for someone to NOT pass a judgement. I think the message you want to convey is that before passing a judgement we should remember that we might have acted in the exact same way as the other person, had we been in his shoes. But we can't see that because we cant see ourselves. SO what I am saying is that you need to restructure the 3rd stanza and lead it to a conclusion.
And the last stanza is really not relevant with what you want to convey. You should lead the 3rd stanza to a conclusion.
These are my thoughts. Really nice thoughts that you have penned. Maybe you would consider reword them. Just my opinion, feel free to ignore.
Cheers.
HM -
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Thanks for the great review! I will certainly consider rewording it.
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