We buried our last grandparent the other day
My brother was too tall to carry him
With the others
So he stooped to bring him into the chapel
Where a woman who never knew him
Spoke about things that didn’t matter.
Or didn’t mean anything.
We buried our last grandparent the other day
In a beech wood coffin,
That didn’t look quite big enough for him
With a name that wasn’t his,
Engraved into the bronze plaque on the front
In a grave, that wasn’t quite deep enough
With a grave stone with my grandmothers name.
13 years of peace, they said
And now he was back to haunt her.
Our last grandparent, committed to the earth
Ashes to ashes
The earth reclaims
I tried to stop the tears from brimming over
By staring at the sky
But the sky stared back and said “I don’t think so”
It didn’t rain that day
Not from the sky
So blue and beautiful
Not right for a funeral
I was the first to cry.
I didn’t want to leave him there
In his too shallow grave
Surrounded by his blood
Covered in white roses,
That he wouldn’t appreciate.
Wood sweats when it is burnt,
I think it would have been better
If he had been cremated, and his ashes
Thrown in the sea.
He had such spirit.
Old Man
Author notes
In memory of my last Grandfather. Feel free to critique it, I know it's personal but I'd appreciate any feedback
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I can't get over what a beautiful job you've done on such a tough subject. That takes a special talent that I bet you didn't even know you have. I'm so sorry you lost your grandfather...your last grandparent. This is so poignantly well written and all of it is very touching, but if I had to pick my favorite lines, they would be 20 - 24, but believe me...it is hard to narrow down which are my favorite lines. Your heart is on this page, and I want to thank you for sharing it with us. Great job on such a heartbreaking subject.
Love you Silver,
xxxxLisa
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Wow
Hey Clare, you know I suspect you really underestimate yourself as a poet and poems like this should convince you as it has others, myself included, of your poetic heart. As a student you're almost certainly having your head filled with a lot of intellectual snobbery and gobbeldygook about form and meter and vocabulary. But a wiser man than me once said, " when the poetry dries up the poets turn to form and rhythm" or something close. Poetry is the ability to express that which can't really BE expressed. And you have done it here. You balance sentiment with wit so finely and you NAME the things that everybody in the church needs to have named ...but needs a poet to do so for them. I have often reflected that funerals are one of the few everyday events left where the poets place is undeniable and recognized. I hope you read this at the event, or at least to your grandfather's close kin. He would have been honoured and his bereaved would have broken their hearts - as they need to do in order to heal them. It's a great piece - and I'm sure that , in your heart, you know it is.
My sincere condolences on your loss and my heartfelt congratulations on your ability to express it so beautifully. John.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Silver, this is a terrific poem, and it's hitting me very personally right now as well-- at the beginning of February, I lost my great-grandmother. Then, two weeks to the day later, my grandmother passed away as well. But it's not just because I can relate to it personally at the moment, you have incorporated some very powerful images of loss and grief-- I find the repetition of images of things that don't quite "fit" to be not only appropriate, but an excellent observation. There is no feeling more pervasive at a time of grief than the feeling that everything is wrong or off.
Don't change a word, and my heart is with you.
Pie
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Wow... I almost got choked up as I read this poem. It makes me remember the funerals of all four of my grandparents. I know the feeling of looking up at the sky and trying not to cry. The burial is the toughest part. Your poetry here brings it all back.
Formally, I'd leave it as it is. I mean, this is clearly a very personal write, and I think changing it much at this point would take something away from it. As I have said, it is a very emotional piece, and it really does get the point across effectively, especially to those who have been through it.
Thanks for this wonderful write.
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Very touching...
The feeling you put into this poem is real and felt clearly. There is a nice balance of thought and emotion. This poem took me back to my own grandfather's funeral and a lot of what I felt that day. For those who have been through a moment similar to this, there is a valid connection generated by your words. I don't have any suggestions or items to edit since this is such a personal piece, but I wanted to express how powerful I thought this was and how effective I thought your writing is here. Very good work... and I am sorry about the loss. Wishing you the best...language: 4, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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Thankyou so much
I really appreciate your kind words Mark. They mean a lot. It took me a while to post this one but I'm glad I did.
Much obliged
Silver Spirit
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