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You see,I see

I see a something.You see a something.
Are we seeing the same thing?
What you see is not the same thing I see.
Who is right? Who is wrong?
Maybe we both had it all wrong all along.

Are you deceiving you? Are you deceiving me?
Maybe neither is the real reality.

If I gain,do you lose? If I lose,do you gain?
Either way we try to lay the blame.
Can't our gain be the same?

What it means to you. What it means to me.
Can't it ever be the same?

Can someone WIN without someone having to lose?

Products of our society take no responsability for the consequence of their actions.
Embrace free will and recognize the POWER of my right to choose.

Fell even stronger when I win,especially if I'm pushed in the direction where I will lose.

Why can't you win,while I win?
Without somebody always living in sin.
Trueblueliberty

Please tell me what you think

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Reviews


  • Lad silver member
    February 25, 2007

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    I like it. I enjoyed reading it.

    tbl, a tightly woven poem about mis-perceptions, especially when it comes to relationships. I think those first 12 lines are excellent; the repetitions work well; the questions are real.

    I don't get the same feeling about lines 13-16: for me, they seem to try too hard to give the reader a "heavy message," when the poem's first 12 lines already do that more poetically. But I do like your ending of lines 17-20: they fit beautifully with the first 12 lines and, at least for me, they say all that needs to be said.

    But those thoughts are only suggestions; any changes are entirely up to you - and even if you decide not to omit 13-16, the poem still addresses a real truth in relationships: different eyes, different I's - too bad.

    Good poem!

    Lad


  • William McGarvey
    February 27, 2007

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    This is really nice. The first stanza reminds me of a quote from Buddha. This poem raises deep questions about reality, existence and how we perceive and interpret them. Just my type of poem!
    Three lines toward the end (that start with) “ Products” ,“Embrace” and “Fell” tend not to flow as well as the rest of the poem. But one understands the message you are trying to get across.

    The ending is nice and leaves the reader in a pondering mood. It was a nice touch that the ending rhymed.


    A deep and reflective poem

    Bill


  • MaMa-2-be-Cindy silver member
    March 10, 2007
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    A great poem of back and forth and answers and questions. I really enjoyed reading this.