Barnaby Fodric Dresden, the third
Always struggled with saying less than one word.
He'd mumble and stumble and dance about.
Jerk, smirk, and perhaps even shout.
To be fair, he'd sometimes sit down to think.
But fair is rare--it'd last for only a blink.
His ruckus-TREMENDOUS, irksome in whole to the city,
One could search far to wide and find no one with pity
All decided something must be done.
With B.F.D around, they never got to much fun.
A lass was brought in from many away,
But most were still hesitant if she'd last for a day.
She was beautifully ugly and nastilly nice,
Instead of perfume, she thought paprika would suffice.
She was shown to Barnaby Fodric Dresden, the third,
He saw her squawk, trill, and perch like a bird.
Then she flew down, looked him right in the eye,
And my friends, I swear, he looked ready to cry.
She picked him up, slung over both sholders,
And trollied on out, as if carrying a sack of boulders
What exactly happened, I'm not too sure.
Mos 'uns say it's all just a blur.
But now, Barnaby Fodric Dresden, the third,
Struggles with saying more than one word.
Author notes
odd moods fuse odd poetry..
um..any comments other than recomendations to the nearest institution?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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That was good! Quite confusing however! I didn't quite get it... I don't usually understand what you say... No one ever really does...hmm...You seem to be the only one, dear papaya. Anyways, despite the fact that you can never get anything to come out the way you have it in your head, I liked it. Good job!
language: 3, rhythm: 2, subject: 5, tone: 3, form: 2.
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Delightful fantasy!
Hi, PS. I like droll and funny surreal scenes, and this one fits the bill nicely. It's got the sound and feel of limerick-like humorous poems, and the rhyme only adds to that.
I like the way the poem seems to be unified by "saying less than one word" as contrasted with "saying more than one word." Clever writing, coming out of an imagination you allowed to run free - but it still is under control, and that's what makes it funny. For me, it all comes together in "What exactly happened, I'm not too sure." - perfect point-of-view!
There are some lines where the rhythm stumbles, and there are a few typos you might want to fix; they seem to mar the pleasurable reading of the poem. But in the end they're minor and easily corrected.
Good read for me!
Lad -
Highly Amusing
A squawk-box of lunacy telling a mad tale, Papaya. Some nice witty rhymes add rather than detract from the image-filled zaniness.
And bloody hell, what a moniker - Barnaby Fodric Dresden the 3rd indeed. Anyone you know?
She was beautifully ugly and nastily nice,
Great line.
Regards
Aloysius Witherington FogGwit the 33rd (twice removed)
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Aloysius Witherington FogGwit the 33rd(twice removed)---
ow, that's quite difficult to type. a squawk-box of lunacy was EXACTLY what i was going for, but with the minds of the loopy, who can ever tell? anyway, thanks for the equally as entertaining comment.
-Papaya (the 1st)
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hey papaya
i think that usually rhyme is a liability as the rhyme dictates the meaning of the poem and takes you down paths that lead to nowhere.
dave -
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hey, thanks for your opinion, i tend to agree with you, but in some cases, such as it being required for a poem in AP english, i'm guessing that it can be excused.
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funny
entertaining i liked it. -
HA!! I hope you include this as your funny poem in the book. complete with ridiculous picture...that was pretty cool! and the rhyming was nice. sorry that was pretty lame but i'm laughing too hard, that was a strange poem. and the nearest institution is in las vegas, just fyi...
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i plan to, and expect most to shake their heads in pity. i think i've found my genre of poetry..make people as confused as i already do. and i think it's time we made a field trip to las vegas. chortle away, my balloon obcessed friend
-Papaya
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