For every tear I cry
will you get a dime?
For every lie you said
will you have to pay?
For every hurting pain
from my broken heart
you will pay the cost
everything got a price.
For every tear I cry
for every insulting lie
you will pay the cost
be the winner of the day.
|
I am hoping for the comments.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
to be blunt, this feels empty to me, you get this angry feel but there isn't really a picture to hold on to, sometimes a reader will need a picture, but I really feel that you have potential.
-blackbirdhunter -
-
Good Honesty
Good Honesty.
I am glad to hear some critiques too.
respectfully read your comment. -
-
when I review, I try my best to be honest, if even bluntly so at times, with out honesty there can be no room for improvement.
-blackbirdhunter
-
-
-
One of your best, Ludmilla.
No matter what some selfish person does to you, no matter what price they may pay later on for doing that, they will still think of themselves as the winner. So, let them think so - the truth is that their evil backfired onto them in the end. Wise thoughts there.
I like the way you formed the poem into tight lines; and repeating "you will pay the cost" helps to keep the poem unified.
Good one!
Lad
-
-
Thanks a lot, Lad
Thanks Lad you are always unbeliebably clear to speak out the meaning of each poem.That is quite simple.ANd it wouldnt mean anything if it wasnt construct over rel experience of living.
Unescrupulous people are infecting the world and even make it appear as we are all the same shit.
I want to scream out WE ARE NOT ALL UNESCRUPULOUS LIERS AND THIEVES!!!!some people will sacrifice for another.Some people will keep silent infront unjustice done to itself but not infront of general unjustice, some people wont sale their soul so cheap!!!
Love your comment Lad.I never thought this was poem such good!
Regards from Ludmila.
-
-
Though this poem proves to be short and simple, it is backed with emotion. Yet, does not bleed with it. There is that sense of conviction in the words. I suppose that is what is meant by this poem. Its tight lines and stanzas make the conviction resound even more.
-iphios -
-
thanks a lot.
I never seen this one as a God poem.I am surprise by the response.Thax.
-
-
Hey,
This sounds like a painful poem. A poem filled with a lot of heartache and tears and payback.
I guess payback is just that. Looking at the motives people have behind their actions. Most people are open and honest and try to meet halfway while some take advantage of others for their own selfish goals. So who is the real winner…
Very nice poem Ludmila
Bill
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
-
-
You re so kind.
Thanks for your kind comment.It is great you like this one and catch the point.Some people paint themselves as winners and their path is full of cutted heads...betrayed friend...used loves and half truths...but is the winner who tells the story.Sometimes prices to pay for winning are untakenly.This world is given uo of Psychotic Winners prepared to ruin another person.so I shut up.
-
-
Tight and Terse
Hi Ludmila.
This piece shows discipline. Not one superfluous word. I suppose we are all cheapskates when it comes to taking the consequences for our actions. Have you heard the expression: a pound of flesh. This means taking a "piece" out of someone - getting something back from someone who has done you wrong. It sounds as though the person in this poem needs a pound of flesh from some unlucky bastard!
Line 8: "Everything´s got.." or "everything has.."
Take care
gG
-
-
Only patience
Thanks a lot on your comment.I really take you re comment seriously for youre one the bst around here.PATIENCE is all I NEED to see equilibrium to restore.Someone say that if you Make a trap to your enemy will end falling yourself on it...I know it is true.I wait till that day,patiently.Regards from Ludmila.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
