I awoke one day, and to my surprise
I saw pavement, birds and blue hued skies
Instead of the snow, I saw concrete
a sight long lost beneath layers of sleet
I walked to school, no slipping at all
sidewalk rarely makes you fall
compared to ice, smooth as glass
I'd get right up, then fall on my ass
realization dawned, we were all free
snow diminished to failing debris
FORGET being cooped up. Let's go out and play!
Yes I woke up to happiness, one summer's day
Author notes
YAY SUMMER'S HERE!!! I wrote this in grade 6, though i'd bring it back
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Spring is in the air,
One of the best things about Spring, are the signs that Spring is coming. And your poem describes this very well.
Bill
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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YAY SPRING'S HERE!!! That's EXACTLY what I'm feeling right now after enduring a stupid winter of snow to my waist and not being able to go anywhere for days on end. Regardless of whether this is happening to someone right now, I like the fact that nearly everyone can understand it! It's good, Kitten! I am impressed that it was written in sixth grade. Hope the warm weather blows your way soon.
Nienna
PS I just saw one typo so I'll point it out. In line 4 "sleat" is "sleet" I think.
language: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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Happines.. yes!
Excellent word choice to describe the coming of summer.
This is a nice poem and a good standard for 6th grade. Two small area's you may wish to look at if are inclined to revise: L10? I think there is something better to describe this scene and then the last line - surely if the snow has just melted you woke to a spring day?
- poetic license?
Rgds
hobby -
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Not really, the weather here is quite unpredictable. we had snow until summer XD
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