Taking this poem as an isolated item,
I see lines of irregular lengths, a total
lack of the usual signposts of meaning,
punctuation, capitals... the usual things.
And then, the words, each one needed,
each one carrying more meaning
than it was made for, because of all the
similarly loaded words all around them.
Their accumulated grief overwhelms
to a point that has ruptured into the void
beyond my experience and left me
panting in its wordless reality. It bleeds.
It bleeds bloodlessly, exhales airlessly,
and follows me invisibly no matter where
I might try to hide, tearlessly--
And they weren't even my own!
Author notes
I read her poem, and immensely moved, I found that her poem had written my poem.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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beautiful
you ahve the ability to compose your wonderful thoughts..the expression like bleeding bloodlessly and weeping tearlessly are some extra ordinary beautiful expressions.i can see the beauty of pain in your words and thoughts.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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17 column box.
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Greetings N126,
Poems like this look like they have taken a lot of work, but the opposite is true. When you have been writing for a few years, it is counterproductive to work hard at them.
In classical poetry we hear a lot about the Muses. As a kid I used to think it had to be one of the classical muses and had no hope of ever finding one, not realizing I had my own all along if I relaxed and let poems write themselves. That is Muse at work.
What kick-starts it? Often, it is deep, intense emotion. (You should have seen the pain in the poem that caused this! )
When you feel it, let it come, without thinking or self-correcting, just write, write, write. Save the first expression without changes. Then choose the best parts. What you see here is the whole thing, what happens after years of trusting it will come.
Happy writing, and thank you.
Terry
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Great poem about a poem. Its a lesson for me in poetry writing. I loved the way you structured your sentences in verses, the punctuation... everything was absolutely fantastic. Read your poem after a long long time. Don't even see your comments around, which themselves were quite educative.
Anyways... hope you are doing good.
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July 16!! And no message reached me!
Thank you for finding this poem. My apologies for not returning sooner to
find your thoughtful message. Kindness is why I have missed this site, truly.
The real problem has been my very narrow reply boxes. Can't be changed, over most of a year, or more.
Today, a bit better:
.....................21 letters wide, but
it does not make me feel welcome yet. Narrow reply 4 to 6 letter-wide boxes have discouraged my replies. Apparently no one else has this problem.
I suspect it is because I use Windows in a Firefox site. Or it hates me?
Other than that being very busy at AP School and having too few hours in a day has also trimmed my wings. I still come back to read and occasionally to see if anyone has been here, and seem to have run out of points here. I owe you some!
My thanks!
Terry -
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Well... it seems this site is optimized for "IE7". Its a bit stupid to not have it tested for other explorers. Even IE6 doesn't display the site very well. And firefox seems to be even worse if you are getting a 21 letter wide box.
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Hmm... this is the effect poetry is supposed to have. When we truly look into the poetry of another, we see into their hearts, and somehow, even if we haven't been through what they're writing about, we can relate to them. That's the power of true poetry! Great write. Keep it up!
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Thank you Piano Guy
That is the effect of a poem that has written itself out of the grief of its writer. An echo picking up reverberations out of own pain to augment what was read develops harmonics previously unknown... and empathy.
Tuning in is like that.
Terry
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When you first start reading this poem it comes across as slightly cold and detached but as you move through it more it gathers more emotion and creates a character in our mind that we see slowly develop into thism depressed and lonely being.
Once again a beautiful piece and the way your describe everything is just magnificent. The last four lines are really telling about a very deep and haunting pain.
I am yet again astounded by your ability to create such a deeping and meaningful piece of writing. Bravo, I say. -
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For Gbanger
April 30, you wrote this? I am so sorry! Neglect has no excuse, even while busier than the only bike in a block of kids!
I am so sorry! You describe with clarity how the stages of reading an unknown poem develop,
with understanding that suggests it has also happened to you. Her poem still makes me catch my breath and hold it, into breathlessness.
How to write like that? Come open to such a poem, accepting that all in life is not sunshine and roses, and slowly absorb what is read not "as if", but as your own.
When that happens, only then has the poet reached you, and together, the pain blends into a reality that finds its own words. Does that help?
Thank you for this.
Terry
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A Poet´s Poem.
I never cease to be impressed by the way you take a poetic ball and roll with it all the way into our hearts and minds Ms Deecrepit!
Your words simply ooze with striking imagery here, Terry. I particularly enjoyed "..ruptured into the void..". Brilliant!
Also:
It bleeds bloodlessly, exhales airlessly,
Powerful phrasing and suave flow caused me to miss the fact that "Her Pain" is not a rhyming poem until the second read (I am a bit slow also).
This was interesting aswell since I feel the piece carries a conversational cadence within its lilt.
One to read again and again for sure.
Warmest regards
gG
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With thanks, replying elsewhere.
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here.
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Terry, when you respond in poetry...
...your heart responds richly. I think this is, for me, just about your most moving of poetic comments. I take it that you're commenting on celestialpie's "Hourglass Figure," and I can only wish I had responded as splendidly as you did. "Accumulated grief" is one of the most loaded of images I've seen on the site. Brava for a beauty.
Lad
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Replying from Notes-I refuse to use such a narrow box.
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Something to aspire to
Something to aspire to
That is to write a poem where you can post this as the comment!.
Rgds
hobby
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Replying by Notes due to narrow reply box
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This looks lovely.
Where was it when it was needed? Too late now.
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Whao!
This is indeed a lonely one. I really like the last verse. It paints a vivid picture. So, so superlative imagery! Something touchable.
Keep writing.
Boldness
language: 4, rhythm: 3, subject: 3, tone: 4, form: 4.
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amogman, I replied by Notes due to narrow box but it has not shown here. I hope you got it?
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An interesting take on the effect of a poem. You express the life that is breathed into a really good read that touches the heart and soul when we run across it. It is simple and to the point but very effective.
Sometimes we run across something that tickles our own muse or touches our soul. I think that even though the reader doesn't know the poem you refer to, it is easy to relate to from our own frame of reference.
I also like the way you actually give us a picture of the poem. It is details without details if that makes any sense
At the moment, I don't really have any suggestions for improvement because I like it very much just as it is. Glad I stopped by to read it.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Another narrow box for my thanks, VM
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I tried to edit this and it gave me the option to delete everything. Something perverse in that.
I have forgotten what I meant to say and will return.
Hi, I'm back!
Violet, someday I will stop being the optimist who expects to get the same fullsize box everyone else enjoys. (Message here for Barbara and Kevin-- Again.)
Responding to a poem with a poem happens to me a lot, as if Muse-to-Muse. Most of the time I cannot take credit for the resulting poem, because it just comes. It is a process of "tuning in" more than anything, being fully open to a poem and not letting any remnant dregs of ego interfere.
You may have noticed there are hazards to that--intensities that if present in the writing, transmit to the reading, hence a poem like this. I loved your "details without details" !
It does indeed "make sense!" Precisely what I am talking about--getting to the essence of it.
Thank you for responding!
Terry
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