Crowded streets are cleared away, one by one
Hollow heroes seperate, as they run
You're so cold keep your
Hand in mine
Wise men wonder while
Strong men die
*Show me how we end this alright
Show me how defenseless you really are
Satisfied and empty inside
That's alright, let's give this another try*
If you find your family, don't you cry
In this land of make-believe, dead and dry
You're so cold, but you
Feel alive
Lay your hands on me
One last time
*Show me how we end this alright
Show me how defenseless you really are
Satisfies and empty inside
That's alright, let's give this another try*
Author notes
<3 This goes out to all those who love and all lose who've lost love <3
I would really like your honest opinion please
Comments
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Lots to enjoy in this one, NY.
"hollow heroes" - "wise men wonder while / strong men die" - "satisfied and empty inside" - "land of make-believe, dead and dry" - all moving images that come up off the page. Nice work.
I also like the repeat of the chorus (*...*) - it gives the song a "hook" for a hearer to hang on to.
Sad song, yes - but life is filled with sadnesses, and you have the bravery to express them. Good poem.
Lad
NY: I decided a few days ago not to use those "applause" thingies anymore - but it's perfectly ok by me if others want to use them. As a lifelong teacher, I always hated putting grades on papers (A, B, C and so on). I much preferred to comment on them. Those "applause" things seem like grades to me, they seem so patronizing. So, I'll try to put a "grade" in my comments. Hope you understand!
Lad -
good one
Well said in different tones...
The stanza repetition gives the poem an overall strong effect.
Good work!
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 4.
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