My eyes are blue, you said
But you lied,
My eyes were never blue to me,
They were always deepest green.
My soul you said, was blue to you,
But my soul has always been the black of twisted coal,
Not a speck of blue among them.
I said that you were as blue as blue can be,
Like the blue that swirls and dances across the swishing waves,
But you laughed and told me I lied,
That always violet were you.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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weak
write about something real dawg, not this fake fanstasy shit . check my real shit homie -
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Please...
...If you comment on my poems, please learn to spell first.
-Colin Night
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Hey,
It sounds like a break-up poem. Maybe I’m wrong. But a lot of misunderstanding between two people with a bit of attitude spells a break-up poem to me anyway.
Nice read
Bill
language: 3, rhythm: 3, subject: 3, tone: 3, form: 3.
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Thanks, Bill. Its not really about breaking up its just a slightly odd poem i wrote.
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Really Interesting
I really like the idea of this poem. It was very trance-y (to me, anyway) and I liked that a lot. I did not really understand the very last line. You said "That always violet were you." I probably am missing something, but I just wanted to ask. Also, you might want to check where commmas should be. I really like the immagary with the colors blue, green, and violet. I thought "But my soul has always been the black of twisted coal" was a little bit of a cliched idea. However, I do not think that "the black of twisted coal" is cliched in the slightest.
Really intersting and really good overall
~Saturday -
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Thanks Mar. Glad you liked it. Got to dash,
-Colin
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