When, as the moonlight spreads
Over the still night,
I ponder love's sweet ventures,
Those journeys of the heart
Unknown to all except myself,
I look back to myths of ages past.
Such myths of the heart are so sweet
Yet so terrible to remember.
I remember as it were yesterday,
I wanted so much to say those divine words.
For I meant them, inside my heart.
The moment I looked to tell you,
You were gone as a feather on a breeze,
As was Eurydice in the ancient tale of Orpheus.
You represent not one who was,
But those who have been
And, I fear, all those to come.
Shall this heart's journey be filled
With only love that vanishes into air?
If so, then may God have mercy
And take my soul quickly from this Earth.
For I fear I cannot keep loving
If my love reaches only to the wind,
And true love for me is only a myth.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Hey,
A powerful poem about love and the search for love. I enjoyed the imagery in this poem.
Bill
language: 3, rhythm: 3, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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A very moving love poem for me, PG.
Love poems are iffy, because they so often slosh around in melodramatic tears. But this poem doesn't do that. Instead, as I understand it, the poet images his heart and his lost lover over millennias of time - and in that way makes the poem have a universal quality. To connect a personal, present lost love to all the lost loves of time and mythology is fine writing in my book.
Many lines are disciplined, yet terrific: "You represent not one who was, / But those who have been..." - "I ponder love's sweet ventures / Those journeys of the heart..." - "The moment I looked to tell you / You were gone as a feather on a breeze..." - nifty writing, with just the right tone of melancholy.
What was most pleasing, though, is your reference to Orpheus and Eurydice, maybe the most haunting of all our history's myths of love gained, then lost. I think it's fantastic that a contemporary poem refers to Greek mythology - that's a rarity these days.
Good read for me, YG. I think your hard work came up with a very good poem.
Lad
PS: I decided a couple weeks ago not to use those "applause" thingies anymore, although I'm perfectly ok with others using them if they wish. As a lifelong teacher, those things seem to me like grades, and I always have hated putting grades on papers - they seem so patronizing - and much prefer long comments instead. Hope you understand. -
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Thanks for the review! I appreciate your kind words. I wrote the poem as an expression of frustration at not being able to find true love in my own life, and comparing it to an ancient and widely known myth seemed to be a powerful enough poetic tool to express what I was feeling at the time. I guess it worked... Thanks again!
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the poem is wll organised.it have a nice contrast too.i like i
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