Don’t let me go,
When you find another life,
One that sits pure and clean,
As the snow angel of a child in the just fallen wonder,
Of a world completely sugared over.
Remember maybe how once,
Or maybe even twice,
I held your hand or baked you a cake,
Laughed with you or stood with you in the rain.
Just remember,
Those tiny things,
That don’t matter to us anymore.
Remember them.
And make them matter,
For just a little while more.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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hey colin
a nice sentiment here to try to hang on to those few moments in life when all was right with the world. i think rightfully the poem insinutes that moments such as these are fleeting, nothing lasts.
dave -
What you say, Colin, about your poetic instincts...
...ring true to me. Doesn't mean I agree with them, but agreements about unique voices of poets is irrelevant. More power to you and to that mysterious need to leave some meanings in the dust of your and your readers' imaginations. Good!
I well remember your love of Gaiman's works. I did check them out at Borders some months ago, but have yet to pull one of them out to read - I will, as soon as other more pressing readings are done.
I just finished Cormac McCarthy's "The Road", this year's Pulitzer winner. Doesn't deserve a Pulitzer, but it's an amazing read: a father and his little son, trying to survive in a mostly dead world after a holocaust of some kind. Unnerving. Brilliant. Now that's finished, I'm going back to read Dostoevsky's "Crime and Punishment" - should have read it a long time ago.
One more thing, probably repeating myself: I'm glad to see that, despite my or others' urgings to change anything major in your work, you stick by your guns. I like that: dig in, and change (or not) only when your personal imagination compels you to. To me, that kind of self-confidence is a sign of true talent.
Peace to you, my good, good friend.
Lad -
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Or it could be a sign of humongous stubborness...
...One or the other. I may not change too much in my work, but I love to read comments people send me. Lately I've been reading rather a lot of Jane Austen novels. I actually just started Northanger Abbey today. As for the book you mentioned, "The Road" maybe I shall give it a try-it sounds rather good. As for "Crime and Punishment" I read some of that about five years ago, did'nt understand most of it and never got farther then the first chapter, but for a seven-year-old it was rather challenging.
Good luck with your reading, my dear friend.
Love,
-Colin
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Another of your shorter poems...
...that I like, C. This one seems grounded in real life - and even if it isn't, it has the ring of experienced sadness.
And the details, out of which I think the poem has its appeal, are small - and small is best to hold the ghost of a poem together. Snow angel, held your hand, baked you a cake, laughed, stood with you in the rain - those are ordinary things, so ordinary that when placed in the unified glow of a poem, they shine. Nice work.
Many of the commas drove me nuts as I read it, C. Just my opinion, but I'm sure you could drop the commas after lines -- well, know what? I was going to list a few lines, but the more I read the poem, I think all commas in it could be omitted. One of the reasons for modern poetry's breaking up of lines was to avoid commas - to let the separation of the lines do the job. I think that would work here, and allow the poem to move along without being interrupted by punctuation. Up to you, though.
"sits" in line 3 doesn't fit the image of a snow angel on the ground - if that's what you intended there. Maybe "lies" would be better, and you'd get a gentle rhyme with "life" in the previous line.
Also, there's a logical snag in the final 4 lines. If "those tiny things" don't matter anymore, how can they "matter a little while more"? I discover those kinds of logical problems in my poems plenty of times, so I know how unnoticed they can be by a poet. Here's what I'd suggest for the last 4 lines - Colin, they are ONLY suggestions:
Remember them.
Make them matter again
like bright angels in newfallen snow.
You know how I hate to mess with someone's poem, C. So I offer that reluctantly; but it might bring logic back to the poem's conclusion, and also bring back the poem's first neat image in the beginning lines - with the same temporality and irony as in the first lines of the poem - I mean, angels in snow do melt after all, then are gone. The poet would be saying that all relationships seem to melt away anyway. But they can be "bright angels" for a while. And "a while" is good enough in this ever-changing world.
Luvya.
Lad
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Lad,
As always I am open to your comments. I'm glad for them. I've noticed that my poetry seemed to be better back when I didnt use punctuation almost at all, and I might go back to that. The commas, I've noticed, are killing it.
As for "sits" and "lies" your right. sits doesnt fit with an angel, not when you make it by lying down.
Also, about the logic. I rather did that on purpose, it doesnt make sense at all. If they dont matter, how can they matter for a little while more? They cant. But people can pretend and hold them close to try and light a spark, even if its gone, trying to recapture some emotion and bring back happiness of before. When I wrote this poem, I distinctly remember thinking: "This doesnt make sense. And I respect that."
Much of what I read lately pushes at the limits of sense and reality and I think that its starting to effect my writing a bit. I've mentioned him to you before; Neil Gaiman. He is a favorite author of mine and I would recomend Neverwhere and Anansi Boys. Also, theres a book called The Mists Of Avalon, which you might have read. It is a truly magical book that questions everything.
I can remember, when I was younger, reading a book that sort of slid by my mind. After reading it I couldnt remember most of it, but I had the feeling that I had read the book before. It made no sense and I loved it. Since then I have always experimented with things that make no sense to me or other people. It's just something I do on the side and I decided to throw that verse in to see what people made of it.
Love your friend
-Colin
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Hey,
It isn’t always easy to let go of someone even when it is over. Memories and feelings can linger on for a longtime afterward.
A very touching and well written poem, Colin
Bill
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I'm glad you like this one. I'm not really sure were this one came from, I was just hurting a bit so I sat down and wrote about how everyone is drifting apart. Thanks Bill,
-Colin
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This is so sweet and so delicate that I want to hold on to it forever (which is kind of the point of the poem) I think almost everyone has been in the situation of losing a friend,and this sums up the feeling perfectly
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Glad you like it Marred.Ive been in this position too often lately. If you want, message me and I will give you some examples. Thanks Mar,
Colin
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