I'm trapped in a structure of sorrow
Feeling so alone
Always dreading tomorrow
And wanting to be home.
I'm trapped in a body of doubt
That feels so empty and cold
Wanting to be let out
But something has a strong hold.
I'm trapped in my endless tears
That leave me washed away and drowning
Wondering:how many years
Before i feel happiness surround me?
How long will i always cry?
How long will i be filled with doubt?
Will i always wish to die?
When will i be let out?
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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excellent
very good, it flows nicely great work you have good talent -
Another good one
Venus, again a very very enjoyable read, this one however has the added bonus of potentially being a song, one more verse and you have what wopuld constitute as a song, at the moment you have basically 3 verses, those that start "trapped", then you have a chorus.."how long will i cry", a minor bit of rewqorking and its potentially a rock song, ayway no real complaints, all i would say is count your sylables and try and keep them pretty much the same amount through out, but as i said, really really nice
rhythm: 3, subject: 4, form: 4.
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