There is a wound deep inside,
That no man can heal,
So cut was I when I was 5 and you were gone,
There is pain so close to the vein that pumps blood to my soul
That I can't control, how I lash out.
There was you, smiling at me, when I was 3, it still haunts me,
So I guess that I will always be crying over you.
There is the thought that I will never be contented because contentment is unreal.
Once you let your heart feel full and peaceful, the beautiful sky falls on your head.
The clouds turn to bile and death kills your rainbow,
I ache for what I lost,
I ache for a future my heart won't let me have
I have been given so much yet nothing satisfies this thirsty heart.
Deep inside I know that I will always hold onto this pain deep inside.
Author notes
This poem is about losing my father a long time ago and how for some reason I have a feeling that it still affects my everyday life.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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sniffles.
as i was reading your poem, my eyes watered...honestly...this poem perfectly evoked your sadness...the words that you chose to use the poem are also very apt...
i love this poem...so much...that i cried...i can't help it if i'm sentimental...
kudos to you for this wonderful poem.
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 3, form: 4.
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Thank you for reading and feeling this poem
This is one of the poems that is dearest to my heart because I lost my dad when I was 12 and for some reason the pain has not yet subsided (maybe I am using the pain to justify being angry sometimes). Who knows the complexities of the human mind. Thank you again for reading the poem and understanding it.
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This is excruciating...
and very, very beautiful. Wheww! I feel the same about my sister who died much too young and innocent. The only suggestion I have is maybe losing the first 'deep inside' in the last line and consider rewording - "I know that, deep inside, I will always hold onto this pain.' You've got three long /a/ sounds in the four previous lines and they set it up for a final end on that vowel. You've turned trauma around to your survival and part of that would seem to be the ability to write powerfully-felt poems. I can't say much more and sound halfway intelligent. Cheers- MJ -
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Thanks MJ for your comments and suggestions
I get what you are saying about the repeated lines. I think I may have used repition to drive the point home but I may not have needed to. Thanks for taking time to read it.
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touching
This is very heartfelt and I really felt the hopelessness of a void that can never be filled. The line, "The clouds turn to bile and death kills your rainbow," was especially vivid.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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