I don't fit,
I don't do my nails, or pretend that I don't take a shit,
I don't wear a weave down my back,
I don't fiend for Gucci and all of that,
No, I'm not a size zero
And Kate Moss aint my shero,
I'm just a girl,
I exist because God made a 'me',
I flow through worlds only I see,
I dream of so many things that people who judge me can't understand,
They can't move me, I am an unmovable mountain,
I don't fit,
I live outside the box,
I am a speck just like you,
But you are dust, I'm a tear drop, absorbed into the minds of like minded free thinkers,
Even though you think I am not fit to shine your shoes,
Because I would rather watch the daily news, than read a magazine filled to the brim with imagined perfection.
While you are perfecting your eyelashes, I am perfecting ignoring your ways.
I don't fit inside your rules, so I made up mine.
And the first order of the day?
I don't give a shit that I dont fit.
Author notes
Just a quick rant on almost forgetting who I am . We all feel pressure from society to conform to what is deemed beautiful.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I am almost tempted to believe that I have found a kindred spirit, but I have often thought that in the past only to be disappointed, and so I will refrain this time.
But this poem definately touches a nerve.
I think that its form is highly unusual, and in this way serves to further emphasise the message of the poem. I like the way it flows; with an almost rap-like rhythm, and I also like the aggressive, honest, no-bull-shit tone.
Well done!
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I don't either...
I think we've all had those days where we sit and wonder why some people think the highest measure of a person is the "suit" they wear, rather than the soul it contains. I always laugh at the grocery store magazines, wondering who is it that they are marketing to, as if who someone is dating, sleeping with, or what brand of purse they carry is somehow pivotal to my own sense of intellectual and personal satisfaction. In the same vein, if someone judges me to be less worthy because of the car I drive, the clothes I wear, or the place I live, then they are EXACTLY the kind of person I could care less about. Their loss, not mine.
In short, I like it. Thought this many times, just not as eloquently (although perhaps more profanely).
p.s. I'd give you ratings, but I have no basis for giving them as I have zero knowledge about the technicalities of poetry. I just know what I like.
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Every time
I see my wife with one of those damned beauty magazines I wanna destroy it. Because the next few days will be me picking up what's left of her. I have known many beautiful people that were really quite ugly, and I have known very common people that were truly lovely. Beauty is so much more than the exterior. Those so enraptured with the external are usually quite empty inside. Which is probably why they flit about from one meaningless relationship to another, because there's nothing inside of interest. This is good and honest.
Thanks, Addy.
Al
p.s. As far as suggestions, Windhover may have something there as to the repetition of the word "shit". Personally, I like the last line and feel it the crowning sentiment of the whole poem. But the profanity does jar out of context with many of your beautiful lines. Maybe it's just me not wanting a woman to swear(that sounds sexist, doesn't it?), but I feel a more highfalutin' word would do you better than that rasty old colloquialism "shit". Frankly, I like the word "shit". Being a plumber, shit is my bread and butter.
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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You speak it! Main reason I hate high fashioned, drama queen, preps! ^^
Your message is very clear and straight to the point. I also love the fact that you compared those who judge to floating pieces of dead skin.
Anywho, it was great. Keep it up!
Ashley
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I definatly like the message of this poem. We have all felt the pressures of society's views on 'beauty' and 'perfection'. I would suggest a few changes of words because of repetition i.e. in line 11 move and 'unmovable', line 15 'minds' and 'like-minded', lines 17/18 'perfection' and 'perfecting'. I just feel the lines could be richer with more variety but again it's a personal choice
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Punchy
It's got attitude for sure and it will find many friends. It moves right along, flirting nicely with rhyme but not too much and it certainly gets the message across. I thoroughly enjoyed it - right up to the last line - which I really think you should re-think, for a few reasons.
Firstly, you've already used the word 'shit' so its effectiveness as a punchline is hugely compromised and the repitition jars all the more because it's a particularly strident and unpleasant word. And the final rhyme you've used sounds pithy and a little weak. I really like the idea of finishing on a rhyme but think it has to be something fresher and stronger and there's ample opportunity here, particularly if you change 'mine' on the 3rd last line to 'my own' , making room for something like 'it's okay to go it alone' or some such. I really feel the last line lets it down - hope you'll forgive my forthrightness. Otherewise - good write! >W< -
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W, always happy to hear your verdict
I take on board your comments regarding the repeated use of the word 'shit'. I know its not a nice word but I was in the mood to swear and did not think the f word fit in here so 'shit' was the best I could do in keeping with the word 'fit'.
I also know what you meant about the ending being slightly weak. I had written this in anger and by the last few lines I had calmed down. I wanted to finish it fittingly but perhaps did not manage that too well.
Thanks as always for your comments, much appreciated. What woudl you suggest for the last line, something like 'think ouside the box'? Not sure. -
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Please don't misunderstand about the 'shit ' thing. Profanity is more than fine with me and definitely has a place in poetry, particularly cathartic poetry like this. It's just that strong words and phrases are so much more conspicuous when repeated, they draw attention to themselves and the sin of (accidental) repitition.
I have a very definite idea on how the poem might end and I'll message it to you for your private consideration. I always worry about presuming with artistic, as opposed to technical, suggestions.
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Amen... I love it. But you are dust,I'm a tear drop! Who needs a magazine or other media to say were pretty!
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