Eskimo kisses thaw
our numb noses
and by our feet
the lady lunar quivered
as she lay dreaming
atop her watery bed.
Dickenson spoke to us
of love, time and eternity
but we were deafened
by our elevating heartbeats,
pulsing youthful passion
into our coll and kiss.
Franck’s Sonata
played softly on
our strung hearts
and natures breath
danced through
green squirrel tails
which endue
wooden skeletons
by the loch.
The wise know
that time is relentless
but we in love,
were blind
to the drifting stars,
seeing only our own
celestial glory.
Romance abounds
in the genesis
of a heart’s affair
and so there we were,
with poetry, music,
the moon and
Moét in plastic cups.
Author notes
"At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." - Plato
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Lovely Lovely!!!!
WoW I say!!!!
Great read dear writer.... I enjoyed this poem.... one more way to discuss love.... impressed by the way you have referred to what men of letters have got to say about love....
Highly insightful poem....
Thanks for sharing...
Lolz
Kiddy
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Thanks muchly, my pleasure - very pleased you liked it and nice of you to commet such!
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Beautiful work,
This has to be one of your best Hobby. Very well written and very nice imagery.
A true joy to read
Bill
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Hi Bill,
This one was a pleasure to write and has been made all the more enjoyable by the positive feedback. Many thanks to you for reading and commenting.
rgds
hobby
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There is nothing left to be said. I read it and it sang. Its beautifully written, the imagery not trite. The way you mention the greats and end the poem with Moet in a plastic cup is classic.
And maybe truly Plato is right. I think everyone is able to string out a few poetic lines (maybe even a stanza) when the right occasion comes. Cheers!
-iphios -
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iphios, I am sincerely flattered by your comment - it's a real boost! - thank you.
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The art of poetry, beautifully described
I loved the movement of the words and the beautiful decsriptions of being enthralled with the person you are in love with.
Very touching read, well written with a nod to the greats. Wonderful.
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 5.
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Hi, it's nice to acknowledge the greats in one's own work – a recognition, if you like, of the influential and inspiring artists whom one may admire.
I’m glad you could relate to this piece,
Rgds
hobby
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Nice one, hobby.
I've heard it said that, when it comes to love, the mind turns to peanut butter. Sometimes. Often, as you've sweetly said here, it turns to poetry - a gentle take on that old insanity.
The stanzas about Emily and Franck are especially appealing to me: two of my favorite heroes who knew full well about fleetingness. Franck's violin sonata, every time, makes me close my eyes, almost ashamed of such fading beauty. Good choices, hobby.
Another fine choice is "endue" - as "clothed," as "dew" and as "moistening deadness to life." Together with "green squirrel tails" that stanza is simply brilliant. And champagne in plastic cups is terrific: not only the evanescence of bubbles, but the throwaway of plastic. Really nice imaging for me.
Is it only the wise who know time is relentless? Even some fools know this. Perhaps, instead of "wise", "the sighted", or "seers"? - which would balance "blind" later.
I think the following commas might be unneeded: after noses, us, eternity, heartbeats, hearts, we, love, affair and were. And "natures" needs an apostrophe. Those bits are minor, minor - your poem's on fire with the joy of love, passing or staying.
Allow me to say - your poetry, for me, is much more appealing when it's much more accessible, yet still elegant, as this one is.
Lad -
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Hi Lad,
I wasn't sure if 'endue' and 'green squirrel tails' would be too obscure for this poem, so I'm very happy to see it works ok. Much thanks for pointing out the abundance of commas, I seem to have an unconscious desire to place one with every ‘and’ – many of the rest were left over from testing the oral rendition – my practice breaths, in the written form as it is now the line breaks of course hold this function.
Your comment on ‘the wise’ is well taken and I will think over a suitable alternative ‘sighted’ might well be the way to go.
A very gracious close to your feedback, I’m very pleased you enjoyed this one.
Thank you
hobby
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Classic
Terrific language and imagery here H. Really enjoyed it from start to finish. Particularly liked the lines
'the lady lunar quivered
as she lay dreaming
atop her watery bed'
and the final image of Moet in a plastic cup. Sic transit ...etc.
Sorry this comment is like my time just now - too short!
Great Write. >W<
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Hi,
Your comment is very much appreciated and I can really sympathize with the frustrations of limited time – I’m traveling on business a lot just now and rarely seem to be able to keep up with just reading many of the new works here, let alone do them any justice in critique, so your comment is very valuable. I’m glad you liked the lady lunar lines, I had a Haiku’esque feel about me when drafting them so pleased they fit in Ok with the rest.
Rgds
hobby
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elegant and stylish
hey hobby, this was classy and i guess if all life is suffering (buddha) then we deserve at least a few moments where we rise about the fray and feel poetic. the last line "plastic cups" grounds the poem so its not too high brow.
dave -
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Thanks Dave,
I reckon a person can truly consider themselves lucky if the have known someone who makes them feel 'poetic' so in a way this piece is a tribute to those poeple in our lives.
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