promise me everything will be okay.
-everything will be fine.
if i was sad, would you paint me a picture
and try to remind me what happy was?
- i can't paint,
but i'd draw you my best stickman.
i'm scared.
promise me everything will be okay.
-breathe in time with me,
i'll fall asleep for both of us.
i've never lied to you.
-i know.
schmaltzy? i'm too close to it to judge it myself
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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so beautiful. the last two lines are my absolutely favorites. the emotion and imagery are so clear, wow.
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SO SAD
I love the word choice in this one 2 thumbs up
Please read my poems and tell me what you think.
Thanx
language: 5, rhythm: 2, subject: 3, tone: 4, form: 3.
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Heart-rending
Actually the most emotive thing I've read in a while. I found it quite hard to read with the constant change of voice, and had to re-start it to get my head into it better. Not saying it doesn't work though coz it's also part of what was so emotive for me. maybe if you displayed it with the text in two different colours or something? (Can this site do that?)
And i chose to read it coz it's short, which i love, and the title is beautiful as could be
subject: 5.
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I love it
although I'm not sure what "schmaltzy" means, I can timidly say that this poem is not "schmaltzy" but sweet, and soft and brilliant. I really enjoyed reading it and it made me feel peaceful and satisfied. Good job on this. -
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thanks. shmaltzy would have been too busy being sweet and self-involved to also be decent writing; and i can't tell 'cause i'm way to close to it.
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no, never!
awww rockstar -- this made my heart skip a few, LOL!
Loved the breaks of this write, and what seemed like snapshots of wonderful moments/memories. and I loved the title, at least, that, doesn't sound too "schmaltzy" -- it is perfect!
whew, you are good at this, I swear!
see ya and hope to read more from you.
Lynne
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thanks lynne, that's nice to hear. i wrote it mostly 'cause i didn't have my sketchbook on me and i didn't want to forget.
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