Like lovers, they enter
eager to begin thier embrace, impatient
as the dull beeps signify the beginning
and then they dance
As they spin gracefully, lighting fires up
warming them, helping them
breaking ice as the two dance
endless circles
Slow but gracefull, never parting
together until the finish
unwilling to stop
determined
until the end beep rings,
and the dance ends, both lovers
are quickly devoured, but such is the way
in the dance of the microwave
Author notes
I got this idea while microwaving some apple pies, yum!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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It's a very creative piece to come out of watching apple pies being microwaved.There was something else there from the begining but you did such a good job of not revealing it till the end
A humourous touch to it but a serious tone also, I quite liked that.
This poem has great imagery, one of my fav things in a poem
So good work
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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Apple pie is great...
but the way you hid it behind rich wording and vivid imagery is better. Love this. I knew there was something going on from the beginning and tried to imagine what you were hiding behind the dance, and could not figure it out until the end. One thing I am not sure you meant to place, "breaking" ,I believe, should be "break." Just from what I got, not sure though. This was a fun read for me. Kudos.
-Renjilanguage: 5, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 4.
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As i read through it, i kept on thinking why "beep." Where is the beep coming from. That word stood out like a sour thumb throughout the beautiful imagery, then your last two lines gave it all and i thought again...the beep was perfect. It was foreshadowing a conclusion without having to give it all away. I enjoy reading poem written with such imagery and yet describing simple things. enjoyed this poem thoroughly.
-iphios -
great
i wasnt sure what to expect by the title and then when i read your author notes i just smiled. it was great -
I love it! I was thinking at first... how poetic! But then I read the last two lines and I realized how amazing it is! It's very funny and ingenius!
Keep on writing,
Here and There
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HILARIOUS! The last two lines had me baffled until I read the Author's notes! Wow, you really can write poetry about anything.....
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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well
as far as the analogy here goes, i think your poetic mind goand as far as the analogy here goes, i think your poetic mind got really carried away. You were heating apple pies and you thinking of poetry. I would be too distracted, drooling, to think of poems....t really carried away. You were heating apple
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 3, tone: 4, form: 3.
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Well... I have written a poem on dance recently. Its posted here on SP.
Umm.. and as far as the analogy here goes, i think your poetic mind got really carried away. You were heating apple pies and you thinking of poetry. I would be too distracted, drooling, to think of poems....
Hope you enjoyed the apple pies though... -
haha
great surprise ending. Who knew food could be poetry? But you did a great job. I liked most the second stanza.
)
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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It is so wonderful to know that this poem could be about warming apples in a microwave, or two ice skaters in a competition (the dull beep i thought was to signal the commencement of an ice skating comp).
very cool. the third stanza was a bit awkward, 'the dancers are getting hot' I felt did not have the same tone with the other words. Apart from that, a pleasant read.
language: 4, rhythm: 3, subject: 3, tone: 3, form: 3.
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Fixed it, glad you enjoed it
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