A puddle upon the black street
Man and nature collide
On a pavement away from an ocean side
I'm of man yet how i hunger for what nature beholds
How the water shivers in the breeze
Reflecting back it's small portion of the world
I stand back in the cold
The pastures upon the small lawns
A forest in the twin trees
A desert in a barren lawn
An ocean in the puddle upon the black street
I come inside my homemade shade to reside
The remains of nature resting outside
Thinking about things
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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It's beautiful....
It's really good.... poets after all are silent spectators who interpret nature in a different way.... it's poets' gift of seeing what is there beyond an ordinary scene.....
It's lovely piece...
Kiddy
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Well written and beautiful. The imagery was very powerfully expressed. I have never been one to care much for nature, I prefer old buildings to trees, but you made me think about the beauty of nature often ignored by man and his superiority complex.
I loved the line 'an ocean in the puddle'. It made me think of being a speck in this world. The puddle is a small part of the larger picture. It also made me think of how God created with intricate detail each leaf, each ripple of the river, each creature that quests for survival, all the world (if that is what you believe.
Very thought provoking, emotional and beautiful as poetry ought to be.
Critisms? I felt that the last stanza was slightly weak in comparison to the rest of the poem. Perhaps the ending could be more taut.
A pleasant read.
language: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 3, form: 3.
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