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Fireworks

Pink, then blue,
then red, then yellow
all the colours of the rainbow
exploding in the sky tonight.
Round and round
and up and up
a backwards helter-skelter
of fireworks blazing
against the night sky.
Children bubbling over
with excitement
pointing up at the
purples and greens.

Now they sit in terror
strapped in their cars.
"They're telling everyone
to stay in their cars,"
the stranger said at
my dad's car window.
No one listened
they moved about freely
like they weren't scared.
I was trapped between
my brothers just as scared.
Daddy said, "there's been
a bomb scare, we've got to
wait and see."

Unable to keep still
I wriggled about, I didn't like
the feeling of just sitting,
waiting...
Would I be a firework
blown up in the sky.
Debris falling down
in colours of the night.

Please tell me what you think

    : Comment:

Comments


  • xdisturbedxemotions
    August 8, 2007

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    This was a very different poem, but being different is a good thing. i like how you wrote something about fire works then kinda making its way into a bomb. one thing that i beleive you could work on though were the short phrases mabey putting two of them together to make them longer it interupted the flow and made it harder to read but its up to you, your the author. The last stanza had to be my favorite, it reminds me some what of myself because as you say... Unable to keep still
    I wriggled about, I didn't like
    i do the same which sortof made me laugh because i thought it was just me
    well anyways great work!

    --Tori

    language: 5, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 3.


  • Renji
    August 6, 2007

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    Original

    Very unique in my opinion. Yet I am not sure short phrases are the best way to place this beauty of a poem. Experiment and let it flow, I believe that it being more fluid would awaken the visuals of this piece of literature much further than short, choppy sentences.
    The final thought at the end.... magnificent. 'Would I be a firework, blown up in the sky. Debris falling down, in colours of the night.' is terrific. The expansive and endless reaches of a childs mind are a great way to show this from an alternate, creative, and intensely unique point of view.
    Kudos.

    Renji

    language: 5, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 3.


  • skipeople
    June 25, 2007

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    i really like this, tough I was wondering what it goes to? It seems random to me at the time.

    I like how you used fireworks to slowly transefer to bombs, but it is still...random.

    pretty good,
    Ashley