The conceiver of war
peers through a sneering
mask of greed and failing health
as he begins to forget which buttons he has pushed
or who he had pushing what button and when
His eyes consumed long ago by power
and fortune
The soldier tasked with duty
watches friends die with fresh young eyes
setting the goal of survival
The war hangs haunting
curtains of memory
on the battlefield
and the soldier
is forced to take these home
where even his rest is filled
with endless nightmares
Perhaps when death comes
to the conceiver of war
all the nightmares
of all the soldiers
could be dumped
into his silent soul
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Into the Well of Souls
Greetings Stoneage. With few words you masticate a lot of ground here. First stanza blasting the decrepit initiator, a Daddy Warbucks type bastard. Then from the second, traumas of war indelibly lodged within a returning trooper´s psyche.
The conceiver forgets whilst the soldier (receiver) can never forget. You hit on a salient point with this striking unfairness. Good idea.
What I personally felt a lack of here, however, was a subtler and more expansive use of wordage.
By utilising prosaic phrases you edge close to the cliche-mindfield. This for me is a rough draft of a good idea that requires a bit of a mindfuck to transcend the ordinary.
Regards
gG
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Powerful.
Stoneage, this poem sure resonates with me. I've never served in the military, but I have many friends who have - loyal and true guys and gals who obeyed the "conceiver of war" without complaint - then watched as their "friends die" and having to live with those terrible memories, "all the nightmares."
I really like the poem's final few lines: a perfect revenge: "all the nightmares / of all the soldiers / could be dumped / into his silent soul" - that "silent" is perfect to image the cold heartlessness of the "conceiver of war", the greedy bastard.
Good poem for me to feel and ponder!
Lad
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