Reflection of a man not felt,
peering back at a mind which defies reality,
the stranger in the mirror strives to overwhelm,
attempting a supremacy of self.
All these years the mind fights,
the parabola of doubt has reached its conclusion,
just as it began.
Does the mind still have the strength to fight on,
carrying the burden of yesterdays fears,
they have become realised.
All that has been built,
through endless calamity.
The guilt of a man who has tricked himself,
security ripped from a mind well worn.
Damn it,
you’ve seen it all before,
another struggle,
one piece of shit after another,
no icing on the cake just another goddamn layer.
So sick of standing alone,
just give me a crutch,
or let me fall flat on the floor.
comments
Comments
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This is strong stuff, simonn...
...and I like it. It has balls, its images are straight-forward and bold, its phrases are layed out just right for my taste. Good one.
If I interpret it right, I sense the poet exploring whether or not he has the strength to keep his adventure of life going, and even reflecting on whether or not it's worth the work to do so.
All of it is forcefully stated, but that second stanza resonates most powerfully with me as a reader: the poet contending with himself over the validity of his past, struggling over "The guilt of a man who has tricked himself / security ripped from a mind well worn." Fine phrase there; bitingly honest.
And I like the swearing in the last stanza; it gives me the impression that this poet is not kidding around. He's been through major pain, and is asking himself to either help himself go on or just plain damn give it up.
This poem hits hard.
Lad
By the way, welcome to the site. -
Introspection is never anything like a party....
I like this. It could do with punctuation and capitalization, though. Makes it hard to grasp where the flow is going and where the separations and breaks are.
"the stranger in the mirror strives to overwhelm
attempting a supremacy of self
all these years the mind fights
the parabola of doubt has reached its conclusion
just as it began"
This is a wonderful example of one trying to find himself/herself. I think of it like that as well but I'd never thought to describe is as trying to find a supremacy of self. Using the word 'parabola' suited this stanza nicely as well.
"does the mind still have the strength to fight on
carrying the burden of yesterdays fears
they have become realised
all that has been built
through endless calamity
the guilt of a man who has tricked himself
security ripped from a mind well worn"
Such solid expressions! This stanza represents nsecurity very very well. The problem with common insecurity is because it's so common, it's impossible to solve.
Especially when it involves the matters of the complex mind.
With the ending, I can really feel your anger for the subject.
"just give me a crutch
or let me fall flat on the floor"
Yes, yes. I too feel similar.
The thing about swearing in poetry, though, is that there are plenty other words and ideas that could describe how you're feeling better. But judging by the mood you might have had when you wrote this, I can't blame you for that. It serves a good emotional purpose if nothing else. It was a bit rushed there at the end and the structure could do with some fixing up.
But all in all, I think I understand pretty well where you're coming from.
Well done.
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Touched it up the Capitalization and punctuations but didnt feel the rest needed tinkering.
Oh and about the swearing. Im a pretty rough bloke so that language just seems to fit when im writing down my thoughts. I dont see any reason why this would be a detriment to any lyrical out-poring as they are just words which express feeling. Strong feelings generally.
Otherwise thanks for helpful critique.
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