Gone are the days
Aching to be heard
To change the world
The world so flawed, so flawed in our ill thought out dreams
We stare out into the unknown like an unchartered sea
Unknown and perilous but filled with possibility
We flew through time as if it were wine
Filled to the brim with our own reflections
We soared with happiness, wollowed in doubt but surged forward
We lived to dance, to prance and laugh
Every day was unserious because we were free
We looked out without fear
We were children, we were unwritten scriptures.
Now we bathe in reality
That sad contentment
Resentment we are unfulfilled but have no time to change matter
Now we see what we have lost
But time is no Father.
An ugly theif whispered treasures into our ears
Then stole our beauty in a glass jar
We are in the middle with the end in sight.
Author notes
Been feeling empty and uninspired recently. So took a title from Freewrite and put this together. Please disregard any typos
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Such stark difference between idealism and realism. Aren't we all kids who used to feel changing the world was as easy as getting our ears pierced. Youth was something, it was rebellious and yet empowered. It felt that it could do anything. Sometimes it seems naive, but sometimes i wish i could still be that. I'd rather fear less. Adults become to caught up with the risks, half the time forgetting how it was to simply jump and live life.
Freewrites can be such great revelations.
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beautiful
Something thats really deep and thoughtful.
Yeah,world seems to be an illusion itself, and then the doubt arises on our own existence and reflections.
Your thoughts are not only deep but question several accepted things and facts by people themselves.
People with courage and indomitable will carry this strength to question such facts,
and you are one of them.
Your poetry is very powerful and the imagery is really impressive.It carries to a different level of understanding.
Words like ' unwritten scriptures' and 'An ugly theif whispered treasures into our ears
Then stole our beauty in a glass jar' talk about your strong visualization.
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Well... you wrote this when you are "uninspired"? Then you must be producing some marvellous stuff when you get inspired, ehh. Really thankful to Bill for featuring this on the front page.
I have a few questions though.
We flew through time as if it were wine
Filled to the brim with our own reflections
This has brilliant imagery, like the rest of the poems. But the similie of "wine" as "time" is a bit... umm.. inaccurate? Cause you don't really fly through wine, do you.
And in the second last line, i dont know but somehow stealing beauty in a glass jar is a weird line...
Back in the days, when we were young is a theme which would give rise to many thoughts. You portray brilliantly the unnecessary seriousness of people when they grow old and the nostalgia of the days when we were young. ANd I absolutely love the last line. "We are in the middle with the end in sight" It is painful, yet a strong motivator to enjoy the middle.
Lovely, Lovely poem.
HM -
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Thanks HM for the review and comments. Regarding flying through time as if it were time, i just thought about how time is treated like a luxury when your are young. And therefore its like wine...Maybe it doesnt work.
The otherline relates to the glass jar with the grains of sand signifying the passing of time, the hour glass. I was thinking about how we consider that beauty is at its most potent when you are young, hence stealing beauty in a glass jar.
Hope that clarifies matters.
Thanks again.
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one thing i learned about this site, once you think there's nothing left to say-- you discover there is still a lot! Like this poem for instance!
This piece reminds me of anything lost -- people, things, time, love....etc.... and whatever it is, makes me so sad.
Wonderful writing here. My favorite lines:
"We lived to dance, to prance and laugh
Every day was unserious because we were free
We looked out without fear
We were children, we were unwritten scriptures"
and
" We are in the middle with the end in sight."
Whew! LOL!
I liked this. Hope to read more!
Lynne
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Thanks for such a sweet review.
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This is terrific.
I loved this, addy. I can tell this is off the cuff but the sentiment is rich and clear regardless of the butcher marks. I absolutely love the last line, we are in the middle with the end in sight. Damn, this is so me right now. I had a lot of dreams and aspirations. I've not done too badly for myself, but I don't feel I've changed the world,either. I've been around long enough to be disappointed in my resolve and the reality that I don't feel I'm cutting it in the "achieving all my dreams" department.
But...I do have a wonderful wife and family and they're terrific. I have a nice home, a good job and good people surround me daily. So it ain't all that bad. Am I the President of the World? Nahhh, but I heard that job wasn't all it's cracked up to be and I hear it really cuts into the home life. So who cares, anyway. When that end in sight comes, I can take solace in the fact that my family will miss me. The world in general probably won't give a hoot and that's ok. The people that matter to me will.
I think this was great, and as a freewrite it should stand unedited. That's the beauty of freewrite, it's you and your feelings, raw and unedited.
I liked this.
Al
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Hey Al,
You are so funny. Everytime i read anything you have written, poem or comment, a smile slips unto my face. I liked in particular the comment about the President job cutting into your home life. Indeed!!!
I seem to veer between wanting to be exceptional in life, and just being average but happy. But most of all I muse about the naivety of youth, the thought that you could actually set the world aflame. Like when you were a child and you think that the whole world revolves around you. Did you ever think when you were a child that the world came to being when you were born and that you were the story that started the world (or were that just my delusions of grandeur!!!?.
Anyway, I digress. Thanks Al for the review, always a pleasure to hear your thoughts on the matter.
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This hits me hard, adorasmum...
...which is why I like it so much. What a finely wrought meditation on our youthful past, "when we flew through time as if it were wine / filled to the brim with our own reflections" - a very strong line! - captures all the wonderful self-confidence wrapped in the keen self-absorption of being young, when "we were unwritten scriptures."
Then, the second stanza's realities of being "in the middle with the end in sight." Terrific line, but I'm guessing you're in the "middle" right now, so I understand your plight. Heck, I'm way past that middle; just you wait until you get THERE, my pretty, and see the "sight"!! (Joking, of course, but, hmmmmmm.....)
Really like the poem, a. And done as a free-write? You've got the gift, no doubt.
Lad
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Thanks good sir!!!
Thank you so much for taking the time to review this one. I havent written anything for a while because I was uninspired and a bit lost in my life. I think the freewrite exercise is good for focusing my mind on something and then my thoughts on a particular subject flow from there.
I liked the thought/concept of the middle, as Bill says below, young enough to do some thingsbut too old to not get injured. Very true. Im actually looking forward to 30 mainly because I have acheived alot in life so far but I just thought about the way the world seemed liked an open book, an unchartered sea. But now that some mileage has gone on the clock, it seems a bit odd.
Thanks Lad.
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Hey,
Yes, the youth is wasted on the young. Then when we reach middle age and wake up and wonder where did life go? Everything I wanted to learn, to do. All that time wasted away. An now, middle age. Young enough to try to do some things but old enough to get seriously injured trying.
Great imagery in the last stanza. “An ugly theif whispered treasures into our ears. Then stole our beauty in a glass jar” Just terrific stuff!
Great work
Bill
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Hey Bill
Thanks for taking the time to comment. It is particularly flattering to get great review from a writer that I like and respect. Thanks again for the review.
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Ahh, the naive dreams of youth
Or are they just dreams? I read this poem and wonder if it is a recognition of youth's disconnect with reality that we all encounter, or if it goes deeper and reflects the regret of not using the time we had to change that reality, that script, leaving ourselves in an unfulfilling world of our own making.
Cheating, by using the revolving suggestion as to what to write here (title/first line/last line)...
So, it's kind of "Back in the Day [I thought]" versus "Back in the day [I wish I had]". In other words, I like the title, because it opens the poem up to interpretation, rather than suggesting which version above is the correct interpretation.
The first line, to me, at least, follows up on those themes. "Gone are the days"...which days? The days in which our script is yet to be written, or the one in which we haven't read the script?
Last line tells me it was [I wish I had] (or perhaps I'm just an optimist. While it recognizes the end is in sight, it also says we are only halfway there....there's still time to edit the script.
Or, maybe I just missed it all completely.
Good read, nonetheless.
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Hey Mk
Thanks for the comments and the insight. I was kind of reminiscing about the past, thinking how when you are young you have little fear because you think you have the time to grow, to learn, to make mistakes. I was thinking about the contrast between being a child and having no fear of rollercoasters (for eg) and now since I know all the dangers, I have a huge fear of such things.
The young have so many dreams, to change the world, so naive are we when we are young. When you get older for better or worse, you have responsibilties, you learn that you may have to put your dreams to one side. I was being my usual moody self.
Thanks for the insight as I said above.
X
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