Why try?
I cry trying to decipher the scriptures of destiny
Why should I? Am I a cryptologist
An optomist?
Thinking I have the power to understand all this
The lyrics of life are incredible
Designed with meticulous precision
Texture of time, places and nature
Everything linked to something
or so it seems
Perhaps reality in reality is meaningless
Particularly for those who live in dreams
The fabric of pleasure
The order of things
The simplicity of happiness, never close
just a passing phase
I gaze outside this soliloquy
Wandering through the forests of my imagination
Not understanding a grain of sand from the labyrinth of man
What am I? a soothsayer
Does anyone know what it all means
Are there really patterns or are we aimless
The madman knows, he is smiling
His sanity dragged from him as a cautionary tale
Think not upon it fellow, as you may also lose your brain.
Will my good sense be taken
For poets are forsaken
And all those who analyse these things
I harken unto nothing
Because nothing is the meaning of things.
Author notes
I just thought about the fact that perhaps nothing in life makes sense. We look for patterns (I do) to make sense of it all but perhaps that is pointless.
As to the poem itself, sorry if the repetition of the word 'things' jars. It was partly used as a way of conveying the expanse of what the poem covers -all things. Partly because I couldnt think of any other word.
Does it make sense, suggestions welcome.
Comments
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I guess some poems
Don't really need a flow. This is one of those for me. I ain't too much of a fan of reading such poems... But do understand writing of them till you just run out of till the last drop of frustration seeps out through your pores. Thus, for me the poetic quality of such poems is not important.
You have actually written this quite well. Probably could mail 'em to one of the rock bands and they would make a quaint lil song out of it to which millions could sprain their necks whilst they head bang to the blaring drums and guitars. (been there done that)
I enjoyed reading the poem. Hope you are at ease!!
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This is a beautiful poem!!! You use very descriptive vocabulary. It truly does reveal the nothingness of life.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Well, i think we can see it two ways. Its meaninglessness or our inability to comprehend such breadth and depth. I believe that there's no point in stopping and trying to comprehend the pattern and meaning of life, all we really can do is live it. Contemplating it too much leads us really no where, we might end up just wasting away time contemplating. However, this is not to say that i don't do the same thing...oh yes i ponder and ponder of the rhyme and reason of everything and anything. But then i end up in cycle and yes come up in the conclusion of pointless.
What bothers me though, is why in the world do we care to think of it? You, me, and all the other people have gone that road...so maybe there is a point...
Maybe meaning isn't in the entirety, for the whole is too much. Maybe we should simply look at the meaning of things in the microcosm that is our daily life. Maybe we are asking too much out of it, or asking the wrong questions.
I think i'm going nowhere here. Sorry for adding to the questions. Interesting thoughts and poem.
-iphios -
I like it a lot, adorasmum.
I see in it a profound disillusionment with the poet's former way of finding life 'meaningful.' The poem's images and long phrases layer deeply through many standard means of 'getting at' things (like scriptures of destiny, lyrics of life, the fabric of pleasure, the order of things, and so on) - all the old scripts that seem to have faded away.
The poem, I think, perhaps needs some tightening, as it seems to wander about, somewhat repetitiously, too much to have all the power it deserves. But that's up to your own good poetic sense.
Personally, I have a different view of 'things.' Although the world is not meaningful in the sense of 'FULL of meaning,' I think there is meaning for us in the underlying patterns, the deepesst assumptions, of our lives, how we fundamentally see the world and act toward it.
Those meanings may not be clear until years and years go by. I don't mean that our lives have a plot, like a play, but I do think that deepest understandings (why this or that happened or didn't happen) eventually come to light for us; in other words, meanings.
But because my point of view differs doesn't at all prevent me from enjoying the poem as a poem; I think it's very well written (perhaps with some tightening), is courageous in its honesty, and is expressed with skill.
I believe you have a very fine-tuned poetic gift, a. It's a pleasure to read and enjoy your always thoughtful and emotionally moving work.
Lad -
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Thank you Lad for the thorough review and the praise. I think I understand what you mean by the need to tighten some of the wording but as i have said before, I hate editing but I think I will have to re-read everything again to get a better perspective on the writing.
As always to be praised by a respected writer such as yourself is very flattering. THANKS FRANKS!!!
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hey adorasmum
despite reading another critique i think the point your making is maybe there is no point, and i think you made your point nicely.
in your line, the madman knows, he is smiling...i think your getting very close to a truth, or to the truth.
dave -
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Thanks Dave That was my point, that life seemingly a code to be cracked, is perhaps just a pointless season which must be weathered. Who the hell knows!!!
Thnks for taking the time to review it.
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I like this a whole lot...
In your notes you say the poems covers "all" things. Why don't you use that phrase in the last line - "Because nothing is the meaning of 'all' things". It does something to draw out that last line. I saw a possible "optimistic cryptologist" in the third line. and "the 'lyrical lines' of life..." S2 first line. The last two lines of the second stanza are very dry, ironic, sly humor. L3 S3 I don't get the reference of "never close" the transition seems a little vague.
"I gaze outside this soliloquy..." is a nice shift in presence.
I think you could be more effective in the closing lines of S3 - "forests of my imagination", "grain of sand" and "labyrinth of man," are overused and they could be made more powerful with slight shifts in image. The first line of the last stanza implies "sense be taken"
'away'. instead of what I think you mean - accepted, listened to. I know this is nit-picky but you could lose "for" to begin the second line. looks like a slew of corrections but it's not. I think the poem has a good center to it. Cheers - MJ -
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Thanks Mj for a thorough consideration
I am always pleased to get an insightful review. Thanks for the praise and omments. The reference to hapiness in L3 S3, is just my feeling that happiness always seems to elude me. It never gets close. As to the other stuff, I have to look again at the poem before i go for a re-write. I think if I did attempt to edit it too much the sentiment that inspired it ay be lost.
Thank you again MJ for the time you took to review this.
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Hi A. I notice one of your notes said you were feeling unproductive and took a topic to run with. Whilst I applaud the tactic and the effort and totally subscribe to the use of flow-of-consciousness as a doctrine for writing, I found these two recent offerings rather ponderous and meandering. It's like your laying out the paint-box and brushes but haven't really decided what the painting is going to be about. Which is to say I would regard them as 'work in progress' . I think they are a little raw to critique as such, that you need to pick a poetic or philosophical point out of them and nail it down rather than almost randomly musing over various possibilities as these seem to.
Sorry if this is unhelpful, I agonized about just saying nothing or telling you why I said nothing. I reckon we're here give honest feedback wherever we can. My Very Best to you. >W< -
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Hey W
Thanks for the critique. I get what you mean. This one particularly was me feeling a bit lost and perhaps that filtered through into the poem.
As to the point of this poem, I was thinking how I always considered that everything bad and good happens for reason. That is how I rationalised all the stuff that has happened in my life, my dad dying, me moving to England and being bullied etc. But recently I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is a strong Christian and I expressed how meaningless I was finding life at present and she shocked me by saying 'who said life is meaningful. She considered that people spent way too much time pondering the meaning of life, when you should just live and deal with whatever obstacles appear.
As to teling me the truth, thanks for the honesty. I hate being critisised but I welcome it here because that is why I joined this site. So thanks for taking the time to review.
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