Angel,
Whispered in my hair
Emcompassed by light
Carried me in his folded arms
Wings magnificant
Placed me in my mother's lap
Comforted me when she was sleeping
Watched me grow.
Angel,
Listened to me falter
Appeased the Father
Was my counsel, my advocate
When my actions were injurious
Angel,
Protector of my fate
Messanger of chance
Instructing me always
By God's hand.
Now I die with wisdom
Angel lifts my soul
Leads me to the pearly gates
As I return home.
I do not look back
My faithful friend is lost
Forged in fire not in clay
Lucifer enraged
Tis a thankless task.
Author notes
Angels. I had that Morceba song in my head while I wrote this. I had recently read about the war in heaven, very interesting.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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hey adorasmum
this isnt' the type of poem i'm drawn too, but i appreciate anything done well and this is...in your authors notes I don't know the Morceba song or the war in heaven. a lot of times i think poets should attempt to work their authors notes into the poem
dave -
Beautiful piece adora. Very sweet and loving... you really get across the feeling of gratitude for this angel (I too am unsure of whether Angel is the name or... description of your guardian). In particular I like the opening stanza, which is as pretty a tribute as I've read in a while, and the closing line which I think sums up your entire piece. It's simple but emotive and effective. And sorry to ride on everyone else's coattails but I agree with pretty much all the comments before mine
I loved it.
language: 4, rhythm: 3, subject: 4, tone: 5, form: 4.
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Here is my first thought, have you considered changing it from "angel" to "My angel"?
My angel whispered
My angel listened
etc...
I think that would help out the flow of the entire poem.
I like the progression from birth to death, that is very nice.
The story line in the last stanza is choppy. I didn't understand it without your additional comments. I think if you rework it and possibly add additional lines it could be more clear.
something like---
my faithful friend is lost,
for angels are bound
to help humans as they live each day
which is why Lucifer is still enraged
for angels are forged in fire
and not made fro clay
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Hey Six
Thanks for the thorough review and suggestions. I liked in particular the re- working of the last stanza.
Thanks for taking the time to review.
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Hi Adoresamum, a nice piece of writing.
For me though the entire first verse said it all, and in my opinion the rest of what is a well written piece, is not needed.L.o.L
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Good one, adorasmum :)
Since Lad already mentioned the spelling and how he was confused about the last stanza then all I have left to say is that this is a beautiful poem. It's not too soppy or sentimental or anything like that. I can tell you honestly like the thought of angels and how you feel protected. The way you described their impact and meaning and presence was wonderful, especially in the opening stanza. The last line of the last stanza has a jolt to it. It's a fine conclusion.
Nicely done
xSynth -
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Thanks Synth
I am pleased that you enjoyed the poem. I am particualrly happy that someone I admire liked my writing also. Thanks for taking time to review.
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Always an interesting topic, adorasmum...
...and a difficult one - angels. The interesting thing about them is who and what they are, since we really don't know their identity for certain, only through scriptural legend and art and literature, including poetry. So I applaud you for taking on the topic - and, in the final stanza - even visioning that cosmic battle between Lucifer's rebels and the Godly angels.
Angels, I think, are also a difficult topic, the tendency being to sentimentalize, to make them wholly sweet.
I think you just barely avoided the sentimentalizing with that final stanza - quite a jolt to conclude the poem with. And that's where my confusion is: I don't understand meaning of the 3rd and 4th lines of that last stanza: does "Forged in fire not in clay" refer to your good angel? to Lucifer? how is a good angel, who was your companion through your life to your death, "forged in fire"? and if she/he is so forged in fire (hell?), why is "Lucifer enraged"? Seems it's that word "fire" that's confusing me.
Well, I guess I sure am missing something there, so, regrets if I'm way off. Don't get me wrong: I believe in angels as mysterious spirits in the universe, although my notion of them is not as perpetually and tenderly solicitous of us as yours seems to be. But that's no matter - I like the poem's tender images and even its jolt at its ending; I just don't understand the meaning of the middle of that last stanza.
Lad
PS: Minor - two misspellings in the first stanza; one in the third. Minor, as I say. -
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Hey Lad
Thanks for the thorough review.
The reference to 'forged in fire' came from my reading of the story of the War in Heaven. God apparently told the angels to bow to mankind's every need, and Lucifer and some other angels were displeased because they felt that as they were God's first creation and forged in fire (mankind in clay) they should be superior.
I just thought of the angels as thankless servants to God and indeed by instruction, mankind.
I love the thought of large winged beings watching over me. Bringing me from birth to the pearly gates.
This was more of a musing than a full scale poem. I liked the rythmn of the song.
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Hey,
A very touching tribute to angels. Whether one believes in them or not we all tend to want some sort of guiding light in our lives. I just read a book about reincarnation stories of people remembering their previous lives. And there were many similar stories of the time spent between death and rebirth of them being guided / protected by beings of light. Interesting ideas and a very well written poem as usual.
Bill
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Ooh, what book please i just read something similar.
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