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What faces you must have seen, Humbly or in conceit you have gazed on all, Old and young alike. I do not envy your Silent Testimony, Holding the truth to someone’s face must be Excruciating. For A thousand times you have looked upon me, I have gazed back Realizing Each passing day has added yet another ‘feature’. Sadly your Testimony is painful to me too. Only, I can close my eyes Freeing me To be Handsome Extraordinarily Magnificent, but As for you, you are doomed to Look at me Looking back at you - your not unkind only truthful |
Author notes
Thought accrostics might be fun to try - they're actually a lot harder than I thought!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I am lost for words, i think its just perfect and you did an excellent job. I have enjoyed after a break form my writing and reading of others wroks, to come back and read such great writing :-)
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Wow, talk about a feel good comment - thanks!.
It's great that you enjoyed this poem. I've also been struggling to spend as much time here as I'd like but, like you, am treated to many fine pieces each time I visit.
I look forward to getting up to date with your page. Thanks again
Rgds
Hobby
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Hey
I liked the tempo of this one. It flowed well with nice breaks. Plus, I liked the irony in the poem
The acrostic was a nice touch
Bill
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Hi Bill,
Thanks for your kind comment, I'm glad you mentioned the irony and that it worked for you, I was hoping that it would come-off Ok!
Rgds
Hobby
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The reflection I get is both light and dark...
...but, for me, hobby, it's mostly light. I think it's a successful look-see into acrostics, as all the lines with each one's needed first letter work naturally. Snow White's nemesis might not take kindly to "you're not unkind only truthful" but I sure do.
Most of all I like the droll humor in it, tinged a bit with aging acceptance - again, that final line. But also the hint of aging in your nicely chosen word 'feature' - a fine wrinkle on our culture's need for facial euphemisms. And all those internal rhymes are a treat.
As usual, a very good read!
Lad
Nice to see you around again.
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Thanks for the read Lad,
You got it, the mirror ages less quickly than we - but you know what - so what!, right? There is beauty in all
rgds
hobby
p.s. my apologies for a tardy reply, your comments as always are very much appreciated.
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Oh my
This is a very great work, and this is your first attempt at accrostics? If so that is amazing. Pointing out your ability to be capable of anything when in your mind was a wonderful touch on this poem. I will definately be visiting your page often. One point though that bothered me is I believe this would be at its full potential if you had made it more fluid and 'let it flow' like himanshumodi said in the previous comment. Keep in touch, you are a fantastic writer.
language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 2, form: 5.
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Renji - Hi,
Yeah it's tough to get the balance right between wording that works and the stream of how they fit together when dealing with a form like this. I usually sit on my poems awhile, let all the feedback germinate and give myself some distance from it before making revisions - so thank you for words I’ve definitely taken them on board.
Rgds
hobby
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Accrostics are 10 times harder if you try to rhyme... And I am a compulsive rhymer. So I do like making my poetry with some self imposed restrictions. Having said that, I don't quite enjoy the restrictions placed by acrostic form.
Well, the theme you chose is quite decent. And a nice take on the thoughts of the mirror! I liked the concept and well... you chose to go with an acrostic... considering that it was quite good. But hey, am still wishing you had let it flow... -
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Hi,
This is what I truly love about poetry - it's an expression of our individuality - everybody has unique likes and dislikes and it's great that, although the form is not to your taste, you read it and took the time to comment - I really appreciate that. I apologize for the late reply and look forward to catching up on some of your work soon - thanks for stopping by.
Rgds
hobby
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I enjoyed this. It flowed well. I like how the mirror's fate is sadder than the one looking at his/her reflection. Spelling out the famous line from snow white was ingenious. It didn't seemed forced, the lines didn't flow as if you needed to start each line with a particular letter. Its an interesting and refreshing perspective on looking at ones reflection and being the actual fairytale mirror.
-iphios -
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Iphios, firstly I apologize for the late response to your comment. Thank you, I had thought acrostics were a touch childish but they really are much trickier than they seem! Glad you enjoyed it.
rgds
hobby
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