(to be read to the tune of Breakfast at Tiffany’s)
and she said
what about
breakfast at your place
and i said
hell yes
with a big grin on my face.
it seems
i fell
right for her asian lore
i’d never
been with
a hot thai girl before,
on the
moped
back to the hotel
2 stars
but she said
she was
horny as hell
and i liked
the way she
was teasin' and flirty
then we
got right to
the down and the dirty,
but what I got
was a
real big surprise
‘cause no one
told me
these thai girls were...
guys!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Good just as is!
This poem was a joy to read because it grabbed the reader (me) right away and I flew to the end with the characters! Good, obvious setting w/the moped. The speaker was clear and it made me long for Paris!
I do not understand the title. Perhaps I am just not hip enough, sorry.
Nice use of the surprize! It really worked well. Thanks!
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 4.
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Very amusing but a little predictable. I liked the thought of Breakfast at Tiffany in thye backi of my mind while I thought about this chick with a d@*k on a moped.
Liked it, it cheered me up no end. I think that the tone and form of the poem were fitting and assisted with the expression. Highly enjoyable.
language: 2, rhythm: 3, subject: 3, tone: 4, form: 3.
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o'henry!
Why use "but" after 2 stars? No need. (Isn't that a good thing to have ?)
"Asian lore" is an awesome image: so much in that! Title?
o'henry ending!
Thanks -
hahaha
whahahahahahahaha. crazy one, but cool.
the rhymes every so many lines works good.
do i smell a sequel?
language: 3, rhythm: 3, subject: 3, tone: 3, form: 4.
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A date from hell,
OK, Hobby. What happened next! I hope there is a Pattaya II coming soon!
Clever, witty and funny poem that just flowed and drew me right in. Good stuff, Hobby.
Bill
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Hi Bill,
Thanks as always for the read and also for the kind comments. A few queried “what happened next?”, it was fun writing this so I think I may do a ‘sequel’.
Thank you planting that seed.
Rgds
hobby
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Clever and as we would say here, enormous. This poem is written with the least possible words and entertains the most possible, leaving a smile and a "ahh" with the surprise of the final disclosure. I don't know that song but reading it aloud I recognised a way of sing-sang.
Good write! Ulla -
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Hi,
Many thanks for your generous comment - I'm pleased this amused and that you found a suitable alternate 'beat' for the words. Thanks for reading!
Rgds
hobby
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Truman Capote would love this, hobby...
...as do I, in spades. Welcome to the world of TV - TransVestites; and I welcome the delightfully clever way you formed this little (ahem) tale, with gaspy, short-pantsed, hot-to-trot phrases that even manage to rhyme every fourth or fifth line. Bravo, really.
Lately, I've been reading more so-called "light verse" and realizing how amazingly poetic they can be in the right hands, easily the equal to the more common heavy-duty, "serious" poems. Your hands are among those right hands in this one.
I like the technique of beginning the poem hard on with "and she said...". asian lore - 2 star hotel (not quite a fleabag, and also implying 2 stars on that moped) -teasin and flirty - and that final word - all just right for the poem's tongue-in-cheek shock. Within my Brotherhood, guys who go after asians are called Rice Queens; but I noticed that you turned down that crown - or did you? you 5 am cruiser you.
Terrific all the way...
Lad -
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Hi Lad
Rice Queen is a new one on me! I’m penning a follow ditty from this one perhaps I can work it in. This off-the-cuff light verse type poems are great fun to write, kinda like a de-stressor something that is not to be taken too seriously and hopefully manage to curl a few cheeks!
hobby
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Who took who for a ride?
I like the way you steered this poem into a place that was surprising. At first I thought "same old - same old" and then you took a sharp left. I would like to read the poem of the next five minutes. Did you handle the situation as smoothly as you penned the poem? This narrative poem was clever and I enjoyed reading it.
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 5.
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Eosmia,
Thanks for the comment, I’m pleased that this little off-the-cuff poem has managed to bring a few smiles. I liked your idea for a companion poem so will shortly post another wee ditty, I hope it amuses also!
Thanks
hobby
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i know the song, and i did read this poem to the tune of deep blue something's breakfast at tiffanys. This made me laugh,the ending was a full circle. Just goes to show you can't judge anything/anyone by their cover.
-iphios -
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Your'e right sometimes it's hard to believe that many Katoey are / were men, they are often very attractive. Glad this was taken the right way - just as a bit of fun.
rgds
hobby
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Wow, how interesting, it read so well and I like the humor of the horny as hell :-) Great Job
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 5.
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Ha ha, pleased this light hearted reead may have raised a smile - I wrote it after visting Phuket earlier this year and had some drinks with the local lady boys (katoeys) the bar was called - KATOEYS 'R' US - the actual song playing in teh bar when we arrived was Breakfast at Tiffany's.
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