What do I say when I am out of words -
The bleak musings of a heart broken and wounded,
Bleeding and losing its life with every beat;
The bitter cries of a man consumed by his own terrible flame?
What do I feel when I am out of emotion -
The feeling of new hope and the compassion
That needs so much to care for another's pain:
The feeling that surpasses even love in its glorious power?
What do I ask when I am out of questions -
Quandaries about the nature of love
And why such a wondrous feeling may be coupled
With the searing pain of loss?
In all my wondering, there lies an answer -
A most curious contradiction that presents itself,
Most obviously, I suppose, as still I continue to weep
When I am out of tears.
Author notes
I'm taking a few elements from my previous poems and putting them into this one. This poem represents the ending of a rather difficult chapter in my life.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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You know...
I really like the tone. I believe one of the cardinal truths or our existence is that life is suffering. Christ knows it, Buddha knew it, and this drips with pathos.
I believe that this would be more effective, however, if you would give the reader the concrete situation of which these words tell. The poem mentions feelings, emotion, pain, and "glorious power," but doesn't once mention what in the world is causing this turbulence of spirit. In other words, this is dancing gingerly around the crux of the issue by telling us instead of showing us the people and things causing the pain. Do this, while at the same time keeping the tone of the poem you have here, and you will hit us much harder because then we can feel it with you, at least this is this one man's opinion.
I hate to be so critical when you're pouring yourself out like you are, but I feel it is my duty as a reader and a poet, so I must tell you that, in my opinion, "heart broken and wounded" in line 2, "Bleeding" in line 3, and "consumed by...flame" are clichés.
Again, I'm sorry for being so honest with you about this stuff, but I figure that's why you posted, to get honest feedback. I hope everything looks up for you soon.
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Don't apologize for being honest. I'll admit that if you haven't read some of my previous work (most of it is accessible on allpoetry or archived here), the issue isn't very clear. I'm making references in this poem to the themes of some of my others - I don't know if that makes the ideas presented here any less cliche, but that's where I got them.
Things are actually quite a bit better for me now. This was written a while back. I've written even more since then, and I'm going to post it over the next few days. This poem has a lot to do with a time in my life when I was forced to wake up out of a dream that went on far too long.
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There's something deeply universal in this, PG.
The more I read over this dramatic poem, the more I realized that the pain of this poet goes down deep enough to resonate with all sensitive and questioning persons. And a poem that does that, in my opinion, is a fine poem.
I see it as a prose-poem (that's a compliment), laying out three very fundamental questions about saying (words), feeling (emotions) and asking (mind) for some answer to that terrible question: why is wondrous love so often joined with loss? That question really speaks to me as a reader; in my own experience, it's just about the most frustrating question I've known. Your poem hits hard.
But then, as I read it again, those final four lines seem to me to move from very good prose-poem to full-blown poem: the answer - "A most curious contradiction" (great phrase!) - is that you (we) must learn to carry out tears inside, and, like a good actor, present a stronger self to others. Helluva good answer, Adam - I think the poem is saying: don't darken others' lives with outside tears when we can show courage in our pain and encourage others to do that too. I wonder if that's not the ultimate "compassion" for others' pain.
I like this poem. Its lines, words and images are clear and clean, no pretentiousness in them. And, even without your notes about using some previous poems' lines - a recapitulation - the title seems just right: how those "bitter cries of a man" keep coming back, like a repeated theme in music.
Good reading for me.
Lad
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