Made from love, I like to think
perhaps I started with only a wink.
Screaming, crying, I became
then accountable I was given a name.
First steps started my adventure
life tasted good with my first denture.
Off to learn, basically taught,
the next level learning had to be bought.
Old wheels took me here and there
purple-daisy mini van, people stared.
Then it was time to earn my keep
the work was hard and the price was steep.
Oh how I yearned for my very own roof
lucky, I got the promotion out of the booth.
Into the office and some respect
life was moving fast, no time for regret.
Forgot above love, sex was fine
tho I began to wonder, was I running out of time?
So I succumbed to the suburbs distant call
and from my wife a daughter did fall!.
The cycle's spun and I’m still here
but the days pass quicker, the end grows near.
Happy am I, a success I have been
my daughter married and her, a mother, I’ve seen.
Author notes
In keeping with my light hearted writing approach just now, another ditty
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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What a great piece about the circle of life! There's so much I like about it - the purple daisy mini van (60s) and the last 6 lines in particular.
I was a little confused about this line:
"Forgot above love, sex was fine" - did you mean about vs. above? Or were you saying you were above falling in love and sex is enough? Either way, it makes sense.
A teeny thing is that you have ? and . at the end of
"and from my wife a daughter did fall!."
...which doesn't really matter because that's my favorite line of all.
I enjoyed this very much and think you did a great job.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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A pleasure to encounter
What arises from structure as well as feeling gets overlooked in the general run of modern poetry. I have been perusing your work and find that your respect for those more formal considerations and disciplines makes good reading and for me it's very satisfying if at times a stretch to reach beyond my own habits. Thanks!language: 2, rhythm: 4, subject: 3, tone: 3, form: 4.
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Light hearted, but true. And something many can related to.
The way you are able to capture the stages in a person's life,in growth as well as emotional maturity was captivating. The choice of words and critical event to focused on allowed couplets to work for this poem.
A good read.
-iphios -
Very creative.
...this really makes us think. are we living our lives in the fast lane. not taking time to appreciate what we really have . forgetting about whats important in life. this sortof reminded me of the book tuesdays with morrie. it reminded me of mitch albom in the begining of the book.
my favorite part was...
Into the office and some respect
life was moving fast, no time for regret
because this really showed us how we dont live life to the fullest only working to get more money and higher up on the job ladder. also how people were livving so fast that they didnt have time to regret the things that they have done or even realize they have done them.
wonderful work!
--Tori
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Hi, hobby. This is a neat little piece. I'm really glad I came across it-- I admire, in particular, the structure of the couplets. They struck me as very disciplined, a true rarity in poetry these days. I also like the light tone, which you set with the title.
As Lad noted, I also enjoyed the observations about life in general-- how we are expected to fill our time, in other words. You also did a nice job in describing both ends of the spectrum-- where we wish life would speed up, or slow down-- what we pay for, and what we earn.
A thoroughly enjoyable read.
Pie
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 3, tone: 5, form: 5.
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awww!
This was simply amazing. I love how you talked about growing up, (not everything literally, but the basic outline) and then expressing yourself when you got older and having a child. This poem put a smile on my face =]
-Raichel (i know im not married, and wont be for awhile, and i know i dont have a kid, and definitly wont for awhile, but i can see from this poem how it must have felt.)
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Hi, thanks for reading this.
Yeah looking back life does seem to go rather quickly but thankfully (hopefully!) I have a few years yet before my son becomes a dad
- he's only 15!
Glad you enjoyed this and that it managed to raise a smile
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cycle of life...on paper
simply put wow.
i'm not of the children-having-age or the getting-married-age, but i feel what you meant. i remember like it was yesterday when i still used to go to costume parties and stuff from classmates, all of a sudden i find myself in college etc etc. with more responsibilities, more experiences in my repertoir.
the lines that stand out for me were:
-the cycle's spun and i'm still here
-my daughter married and her, a mother, i've seen
it's just beautiful. really nice poem, catching life in 24 lines. that's what poetry's all about.
nice one. and the rhymes are there as well.
language: 3, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 3, form: 3.
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Greetings, hobby. My answer to your title's question is, oh yeh! tempus sure does fugit, not only when we're having fun, but always while we're alive. Neat poem about the race from cradle to...well, a grandchild.
Despite its being only "another ditty," it's got some sharp observations about education, sex, work, the abominable ladder to success, and - true to our Western striving expectations - the end-of-the-rainbow's pot of happiness.
As a poem, the couplet lines and rhymes work naturally well, except perhaps for that final line - a bit clumsy in technique, and it doesn't quite back up the poem's title about the speed of life. But how can a reader complain about those minor slips in a poem of such apparent and pleasingly lighthearted happiness? I can't, and won't. Good little poem from a lucky poet.
Ciao.
Lad
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Ooh a very playful little poem about the cycle of life that's faster than a blink of an eye. On line 2 should it be 'a wink' or 'only a wink'? perhaps and should 'wander' be 'wonder'? But other than the little typos this is fine. The rhymes work well.
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I love the title, other then you need to correct realy to really :-) You have entered in a nice level of humor and also an earnest appreciation. It is a light hearted approach but a great little ditty :-)
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 3, form: 4.
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