panorama lingering intrusions
awaken undefined sounds -
sensually provoked
touched felt flesh
vault fragrant visions -
secretly inspired
mystique passage encounters
contour knowing vistas -
sensitively enjoyed
Author notes
I tried to put myself into the place of a blind male waking up in the morning next to his wife!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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A rich enjambment of nouns, verbs and adjectives...
...and they all sum up to seeing without sight. Very satisfying, Frans. I like poems that attempt to voice a different persona from the poet's - in this case a blind man's erotic "mystique." What at first appears as an illogical and ungrammatical pile-up of words ends up being a blind man's, and a reader's, vision. I like it.
Perhaps you might want to consider "indefinite" for "undefined"; it could make that line flow a bit easier. And "vault" might be "vaults"? as the singular verb for "flesh"? or maybe you intended "vault" as the right verb for the second line's "sounds"? Whatever your intentions, and whatever you decide, the poem once again has your unique voice of combining disparate words into a felt whole. "Panorama lingering intrusions..." is especially sharp writing and a seductive way to begin. Nice work all the way through.
Lad
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