Morning lifted another sleepy tire.
Angelic watch long past flown.
Nightly tears singly sown
beads of fragile wire.
Wishing no longer to feel
the sleep of pained pursuit
causing flakes of memories' minute
to split heart and soul to reel.
Rejoice in hope and love!
There is for those that seek,
with willing heart and open mind,
a peace that comes from Him above.
He eagerly seeks His precious sheep,
with certainty He will find.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Very nicely constructed, Frans...
...as a modified sonnet, no easy task. Bravo for that. And the meaning is clear: the sufferings and tears of dark nights open onto the hope and love of a God of mercy and infinite care.
Although I have a strong and personalized belief in a God (even a Tri-unity of Creator, Redeemer and Sustainer), I don't have the same optimism as the final six lines of your poem have. But I appreciate the disciplined skill with which you pieced the whole poem together from very vivid images.
I do, though, have some trouble with lines 5-8: I simply can't get into their meaning, opaque for me; but that may very well be because of my occasional density with highly imaged metaphors, and not the lines' fault. Still, I enjoyed the very care-ful conception and execution of this one.
Lad -
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Dear Lad - I did attempt a sonnet - you saw the outcome. I hooked up on various websites and then tried to write this poem while at the same time learning to figure out what a sonnet is. Did not know that there are various sonnet types, but thought that I would, from the examples before me, create my own! I received good feeds from two sonnet writers, but decided to put this poem to test on SP. I must say, I prefer free verse / form, as this fits my nature and provides ease of writing. I steer clear from too much 'academic learning', as I am not sure what affect it will have on my 'what I know have got' [be it the good, the bad and the ugly]. I do, however, welcome and even prefer comments such as yours, as it is encouraging, but also directed at how I can either understand myself as 'poet', the poem itself, and the 'needs' of the reader. I do appreciate this. Lines 5-8: I tried to provide insight that it is sometimes the smallest of negative experiences, burt and pain and their 'offspring' that sends the mind into struggle. You know the route: what enters the mind eventually reaches the heart... Perhaps I am trying to be too 'poetic', but these where the thoughts that I was trying to convey - the picture in the mind. I am not sure what you mean by: 'I don't have the same optimism as the final six lines of your poem have'. Perhaps we can talk about this - I may not have 'put it across' very well - but I believe each word I wrote. I may be misunderstanding what you are implying - so perhaps you would like to help me understand. Have a blessed day. Glad I met you and Al. Frans.
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Hi, Frans. I admire any modern poet who wants to write a sonnet of any kind; it's not an easy task, but it surely is an excellent learning experience. It was for me. I've posted one modified sonnet, "Sonnet to a Sugar Maple", and I think it's still in my listed poems. I even attempted a Sestina - "Act III: Burial of a Friend," also still posted. Took plenty of work, but I learned plenty too.
But, just like you, I prefer a freer style, while still paying close attention to format and to interior rhyming sounds, which, in my opinion, help to turn prosey writing into real poetry. And again, just like you, I'm always conscious of making things reasonably clear enough for a reader. That's not easy either, but it's great fun; it's the "joyous difficulty" part of writing for me.
Thanks for your explanation of lines 5-8; it helps a great deal, though I still have difficulty understanding "minute" and "reel." In order to get a sound rhyme (different from a visual rhyme, as you know)with "pursuit", "minute" would have to be "minUTE" rather than "MINute", each having different meanings. The former word is an adjective, but I saw no noun for the adjective to modify; so I got confused. And "reel" denotes a tape or movie reel, so that threw me off too. But your explanation of those four lines, as a whole, sure helped me.
What I meant by not being as "optimistic" in my beliefs as your final few lines is this: I'm a strong believer in God's existence AND God's involvement in human affairs. But I'm not always a believer in God's ever-present mercy and care about gathering his sheep and granting them peace. I see so much suffering and horror in the world, often caused by human greed, yes, but often the result of natural horrors, and perpetrated on innocent people who have prayed for deliverance and mercy from God, but didn't receive it - yes, the ancient mystery of human suffering. So, my faith in God's omnipresent loving-kindness is tempered by what I've experienced as God's apparent indifference, often, to human pain and suffering. My whole poem "Beware the Right Ones" is about that.
Well, enough for one message, Frans! I very much agree with your idea that what enters the mind eventually reaches the heart (and vice-versa). And then, for poets and good writers, it all eventually comes out of a pen. Makes perfect sense to me.
Later.
Lad
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A poem filled with Hope and Faith.
But it is the Love of Him, which once again struck me; the fact that there is a certainty that HIS sheep WILL be found. For it was written. How good an example He set with his Life on earth, as well as His Living Presence in us ...
There is much going on in the first stanza of this poem: it speaks of a soul's strife in the dark hours of the night, yet it did not pass unnoticed: forever the angelic watch ... I also loved the texturedness of "nightly tears singly sown/beads of fragile wire" ... I cannot help thinking of the blood shed in sweat by Jesus in his agonizing night!
Again: such intensity in your words, carefully compiled in neat alliteration and assonance -- a very unique sonnet.
Be well Frans ...
Ps I am again blocked out of AP ... such a laugh now, for SP benefit! LOL
Myra
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 5.
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Myrataal
Dear Myra, thanks once again for taking time to read and comment on this poem. I rather cherish my attempt here - but perhaps this is a 'new sonnet form' - if there is anything such as this, and of course, if such deviation is allowed! I always love your input and the meaning you give to my poems - it makes even the poorest of attempt a wonderous outcome! I am looking forward to our meeting in two weeks' time, and our evening discussions [well, perhaps one evening then] on poetry. Frans.
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