My heart is sad and crying;
each tear a droplet of exploding atom.
No ocean can fully contain
the emotion of my sadden soul.
Life’s ways often unpredictable:
assurances sometimes vanishing bubbles.
Dreams
Feelings
Visions
Captures of invisible knowing.
Crying smiles of closure
widens emptiness of soul.
Peace of eluding fulfilment...
Hark!
There is hope; there is outcome.
Continue in self’s journey: the
truth of tender’s knowing.
Author notes
A poem for a special friend of mine - myrataal.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Frans, isn't this a fantastic piece of life's wisdom! By first read it did smash me into the abyss of desperate saddness which somebody can go through and it lifted me up to the gleaming light of all hopes we usually rely on.
Then I discovered the meaning of doubt and faith, of desperation and trust, of taking and giving, of bitter cold and gentle sweet - briefly said, you tell us of the ups and downs in life and how we always need to find the balance again.
It is a very meaningful poem and I wish I will learn these lessons. Lets aim for the balance which offers a part of enriching life. Thank you! Ulla -
Hi, Frans.
Nice to see a new poem from you, and one that is not afraid to express crying and tears and honest sadness that is deeper and wider than an ocean. I sense the loss of a loved one (as your note hints) - and so the poet's separation from that loved one - the "closure" - is a mix of "crying" and "smiles" at that loved one's memory, still inside the poet. But the "peace" of that memory only widens the soul's emptiness. Then, in the final four lines, the poet hears and recalls the eventual "outcome" of hope - a hope that will eventually lead to the "knowing" of "truth". So, this interpretation of the poem is that it's a meditation of the poet to himself.
But, there's possibly another interpretation. The poem is an encouragement for a loved one who's suffering, perhaps has lost the way of life. In this interpretation, the final four lines are ones of encouragement for that other person, urging her/him to listen for ever-present "hope" and "outcome" - and encouraging that person to "continue" the journey of the self, leading to the truth of knowledge as to why she or he must be sorrowing now.
The poem, I think, is lovingly and generally skilfully written, Frans. The many internal rhymes are soft and gentle: emotion, ocean; droplet, exploding; unpredicTABLE, bubbles; visions, invisible (nice paradox there!); self's, tender's. Those kinds of words that softly sound alike are very pleasing.
I was jolted, though, by "Hark!" That word is so archaic that it's gone from common usage; it seems out of place in a poem of contemporary expression of personal feelings. Perhaps "Listen!" would work better? - only a suggestion.
And I have to assume that "tender's" doesn't denote tenderness - otherwise the line would read, grammatically better, as "truth of tender (or tenderest) knowing." So, I'll take the meaning of "truth of tender's knowing" to mean "the truth that comes to one who tends to (cares for) knowing as a "tender", a noun for someone who is a tender - for example, one who is a tender of a garden. I regret that the poem's final line confuses me somewhat, because the ending of a poem is where it usually strikes a reader the strongest, so that my being confused there by the syntax is something of a disappointment after reading such a heartfelt meditation, or encouragement.
All in all, though, the poem is plain speaking and forthright in its sadness...and its hope. Interesting read, Frans!
Lad
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Dear Lad - thank you for a generous crit - I so appreciate this. You are right in all counts, and your interpretations are sincerely 'spot on'. I also appreciate your openess regarding whether or not you understand the wording, lines etc. - this enhances your integrity all the more. Its a poem that one writes off the cuff - with little time to spare - but something one needs to do and wants to do - its like that note quickly written, but with each word meant. So I did not have time to ponder, but only time to write and send, and later to 'stage' for comment. So the last few lines may not have been the best, but to me it is the message that counts that might not have been conveyed. You are correct about 'tender' as being 'the attender', and it refers to the 'self's journey' that not only must be undertaken to allow an outcome, but it is also like the proverbal 'big brother watching over you'. It also related to the 'truth' as having the same function as the 'big brother', while the person to whom this poem is intended 'in her knowing' also fulfills the role of attending. While you and me can stand 'outside' and offer hope etc., we may never lay claim to this role of 'attender of another's truth', as this is sacred. So how does one put all that into word? 'Hark' was inteded to 'cause attention' - how often are we not in pain or even in joy, when we sometimes forget to 'listen'. So archaic or not - you must come up with something better for me [just pulling your leg] - give serious attention to this. Frans.
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Greetings, Frans. I'm grateful for such a detailed reply to my thoughts on your poem. And, oh yes, it's sometimes a wonder how our sudden impulses of emotion can be quickly layed out on a page and move a reader, even move ourselves!
Your explanation of the inner life and substance of your poem is satisfying and enlivens the work even more.
As to a substitute for "Hark!", other than "Listen!", which I know is far too bland for what you're after, you might consider "Attend!" - which would capture the connotation of "pay attention" and even "tender" a few lines later. Isn't it one of the delights of poetry writing how the search for just one word can so compel us?, as long as we retain a good measure of sanity in the process!
Later,
Lad
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hey fran
this was very metapysical with the theme that life is a journey and sometimes we have to travel thru pain to get where we want to go.
reading your authors notes (ive said this to other poets) why not include your friend in the poem, then we can see her journey. that makes it less universal but...
dave -
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Dave, thank you for the read and comment. What you say is true.
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