Day turn into night wish I could hold you but your out of sight, but your not out of my mind why was the world to you so unkind.
Day turning into night images of you constanly flashing in my mind.
I want to to scream come back to me, I'm rocking back and forth trying to find the place in my mind where I can feel your womth.
I need your stengh within me hay love can you still hear see me, the day is constantly night without you, just look down on me and grab me, save me I'm faling into the darkness of pain, please stop the rain.
Day turning into night what do I do now your out of sight. What do I do where do I go please show me how to let go, I hurt so bad without you, I think I'm boing mad.
Day turning into night find some way to get back in to my sight.
My heart is lonly come back me my one and only.
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I like your word choice, but dont feel the flow of it I'm sorry. This has a powerfulness behind it that makes me feel it could be more dramatically broken up. There are a couple of spelling mistakes, I only point out as it can make it easier for the reader, to check over it beforehand :-)
Otherwise a very meaningful write that I really enjoyed reading :-)
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 3, form: 3.
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