he sits in my chair
and wears my clothes
he sleeps with my wife
and plays with my children
he looks at me in the mirror
and flashes my smile
he has my eyes
but i don’t see the world like him
i rage while he sleeps
but carry no blame
i feel nothing
but still he bleeds
i am innocent
but he seeks absolution
i will survive his frame of dust
and yet i have no soul
to be born again...
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
i'd recomment putting these two on the same page. marked as verses I. and II.
-
Hobby,
I'm giving one comment for both poems (Part I and II). The appeal to me of this poem is the schizophrenia portrayed in the eyes of the afflicted. Though by thesis, its seems that you perceive schizophrenia as almost that duality. While this person is in the "outside", the other one in the "inside" sees what's going on but cannot do anything about it, until he is born again.
Yet at the same time, you can also mean this to be the delusions of the person in the poem, hence the seemingly two perceptions. I enjoy poems that delve into subject matters that are involve in mental/psychological states.
On the attachment of Death and reincarnation is also interesting as it takes on that idea that at a certain point, the other persona dies, but then reincarnates. Interesting subject matter. good read.
-iphios
-
-
Hi Iphios,
I've been traveling again lately so it's taken me some time to get around to reply's and offer some critique's of my own so thanks for the comment and your patience!. I'm pleased this was able to tickle those 'lil grey cells' - I love the subject of psychology and could easily talk all day on it (everyday) yet never fully understand it!
Thanks again
rgds
hobby
-
-
Oh wow, very deep poem here. Not one word felt out of place. And every line spoke loudly.
Tis one has me thinking so much and I really love being made to think, having a poem stay with me
Standout lines for me where -- i will survive his frame of dust and yet i have no soul
An awesome job and I am going straight to part 2 in much anticipation for your skill, your gift and where you will take part 2.
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 3.
-
-
Hi,
Thanks muchly for your comment, it’s a great pleasure to know that a poem has envokes some sort of thought or emotion - I'm glad you liked it! Hope you also enjoy part 2.
rgds
hobby
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
