Yeah, Michigan
is a wonderful place.
Can't find a job,
can't put together
the puzzle as a whole,
surely can't buy myself luck
or look a soul in the face
but Michigan's
such a lovely place.
The economy is being
dragged by the state,
tired horses
sick of pulling
the deadbeat's weight
and worse,
there's always your
airheaded greedy governors
to go along with the
pea-brained president
of these wonderful
lovely
states.
There's no funding for college,
no money for an apartment
or food or a bed?
No chance to make an
artful living, I have to be
a factory rat instead?
But those at the head
of the mushroom cloud
Good God you bet
they're living it up
with three or four cars,
a few golfcarts and a jet
and a mansion and a cabin,
somewhere nice on an island
and I'm kicking myself
down the dusty roads
of a boring, tiny
bland and blank town
with lame fruitless options
and some redneck clowns
saying 'well I guess
yer just shit out of luck.'
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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great
Reminisecnet of a favorite poet of mine.........dark without being morbid........ -
I can definately feel the bitterness here, and I'm glad that it's finally found an outlet. Unfortunately, I also sense some resignation, which reflects the negative mindset which you were in when this was written. But sometimes it's necessary to wallow for a while in despair and resignation; to indulge for a while before you get up and try again.
There is a lot of anger with society here, portrayed with sarcasm as an effective tool. I particularly like this stanza...
'There's no funding for college,
no money for an apartment
or food or a bed?
No chance to make an
artful living, I have to be
a factory rat instead?'
not only because of the rhyming, but because of the message. It often seems that there is a price for living in comfort; that there is a price for security and relative happiness in your private life, and that price is misery in the workplace. Working in a factory is certainly not an appealing prospect, and I can definately sympathise with how much you want to make an 'artful living' by utilising your talents, and I know how enormously frustrating it is when they seem to go to waste for the moment.
This poem rails against circumstance and fate. The poet curses her situation and her state, and frustration bubbles beneath the surface like lava. However, the tone is chatty, ironic and sarcastic, and this creates an artful contrast which makes it both potent yet subtle.
I hope you've opened a valve here, Kristin, and that you continue to write from here on (as I know you've had a period of writers block, as have I).
Definately a welcome come back...
Samwise
x.
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Thank you, Samwise
You got where I was coming from once again so I'm saying thanks for that but also, you noticed the two contrasting styles in the poem. I figured playful sarcasm might cushion the blow of my negative pessimistic attitude, which I've been discussing with you lately.
And yes, it is frustrating that my 'talents' though I wouldn't call them that have to go to waste. I can't measure my own talent but even if I considered art and poetry as an interest I've grown to love since four years ago...well that just flat out sucks if you can't put it to your own personal use let alone, show it to others who might, oh...I dunno...care?
Thank goodness for SP, in other words, for being an outlet for this sort of thing.
There are ways around this. One could self-publish their work and some book stores would still sell it. Like if I wasn't terrible at painting, I'd put my work up in restaurants and hope to catch a collector, you know...
Ah, well. Guess you just have to wait and see.
Thanks again, Samwise.
Nice to hear from you.
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What's with the formal distance? I love you, girl.
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Completley agree.
I know exactly what your saying. I live in Michigan as well and everything you wrote was true. Im not really sure as to what to say about this. i dont think that you should change it at all. i liked the sarcasm you put into it and my favorite part would have to be
There's no funding for college,
no money for an apartment
or food or a bed?
No chance to make an
artful living, I have to be
a factory rat instead?
because i know exactly what thats like so great job!
Kudos.
--Tori
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thank you Tori
Yes, you would surely know, living in Michigan yourself as well and relating makes anything possible.
Thanks for noticing my element of sarcasm.
Kristin
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True sentiments. The thing about the US is that each state is different, some are as lively as probably New York while others seems to be dragged by time, economy, and politics. The TV offers most of us the picture of the USA as hollywood. This sounds like a drag and its overflowing with frustration almost through gritted teeth. Its a reality that many states and countries are faced with. Its a gloomy fact that opportunities seem limited.
Liked how you made the line "artful living" slide,it tells you that the poet wants to pursue that in a subtle way and the contrast with the factory rat was quite an image, almost like an editorial cartoon in words. Well, these is my take on your poem.
-iphios -
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Hey iphios
And thank you for commenting.
Since you and I sort of talked personally about why I was so bothered by my writer's block, I have you to thank because it was you getting me to talk about it that made me want to try and write.
And the idea to this one is quite simple. It is a drag. It's mundane and slow and painful, you understood that.
I definitely think this could be fixed up some more, personally but I think it says enough for the meantime.
Thanks for the support that you've lent me. Puts a smile on my face
Kristin -
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ah well. i say let out what there and then mind the editing and changes later.
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This was really great. You definitly prooved a point when saying,
"Can't find a job,
can't put together
the puzzle as a whole,
surely can't buy myself luck
or look a soul in the face
but Michigan's
such a lovely place."
I can see sarcasm in that. It's a serious poem, sarcastic in some spots such as the one I pointed out, and the ending line made me laugh a little, not because I thought it was humorous, but because it's so true! Not only in a state, but in schools and work buildings. It's everywhere.
I see also how you mention that some places are better than others, and for most people it is not fair. This poem spoke to me and I loved it =]
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Thank you Raichel
I appreciate you stopping by once again and commenting.
And I'm the same way as far as sarcasm goes. It's one of my favorite ways to describe what I'm thinking and feeling so it almost makes things seem playful when other parts are so down or serious.
I noticed on your profile that you are one to enjoy politics and views on society and such, that's a good thing to hear.
Again, thanks
Kristin
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